You and Your Deranged Protege

"Is TV Guide a Book?" "No." "Son of Sniglet?" "No." "Katherine Hepburn's Me?" "No!" "Oh, I suck..."

2009-11-20T10:03:00.002-05:00

"Walter, I love you, but sooner or later, you're going to have to face the fact you're a goddamn moron..."

2009-06-02T16:17:00.000-04:00

The Best Movies of Our Lives, Part Four: 1998 - 2003See also: part one (1979-1985), part two (1986-1991), and part three (1992-1997).Shuk's picks1998....The Big Lebowski: Well, obviously. One of the most compulsively rewatchable movies of all time. I've always been struck by how some filmmakers just get into grooves, not unlike baseball players. The Coen brothers made some solid films and had

"People say: You must have been the class clown. And I say, No, I wasn't. But I sat next to the class clown, and I studied him..."

2009-03-17T00:15:00.000-04:00

The Best Movies of Our Lives: Part Three (1992-1997)previously: 1979-1985, 1986-1991Kyle's PicksTo borrow a line from "Bartlet for America" ("I would like our ten-minute breaks to be closer to fifteen minutes than they are to a half-hour"), I'm going to try not to stray quite so far from the three-sentence maximum for non-winners.Mark: Don't worry, I go over three sentences as often as a judge

"Me fail English? That's unpossible."

2009-03-04T02:36:00.005-05:00

Nice work, 24. Nice work. (Though, in fairness, this is the only the 17th most improbable thing that happened over the two eps on Monday night.)On the plus side, the interest rate hike noted on the crawl suggests that the economy will be fixed by...wait, what year is it supposed to be again, Shuk?

"Capitalism is ending, either because of the Soviets or of something ridiculous, like a woman president..."

2009-03-03T20:07:00.006-05:00

(I'm obviously at a loss for a post picture, so this one--despite being a total non-sequitur in relation to what follows it--will have to do.)2008 Greatest Hits (or something...) Well...I appear to think I'm pretty awesome, in that I've included forty-eight posts below...and only posted sixty-two times the entire year (in my defense, three of the posts included here are year in reviews, and

"It sucks to be a Storm Trooper with a heart..."

2009-02-24T14:20:00.001-05:00

Oscar Post-MortemFive Things about the Oscars, plus (a blog first!) a reader mailbag... 1. My picks: I went 16 for 24 this year (just like last year, oddly), though I should note that, after I posted my picks online, I went back and listened to the two nominated songs from Slumdog and realized that I had the titles mixed up, and the one I thought was going to win (and did win--"Jai Ho," from the

"What's next? Something that sounds better than a cassette tape??"

2009-02-23T21:47:00.002-05:00

The Best Movies of Our Lives: Part Two, 1986 - 1991Previously: 1979-1985Shuk's Picks1986....Ferris Bueller's Day Off: While all of John Hughes' other "legendary" teen dramas have aged horribly, Ferris Bueller has somehow only become more prescient with each passing year. You could make a good case that it was the forerunner of shows like 90210, Gossip Girl or the O.C. where teenagers carry

"This is exactly the sort of daringly obvious manipulation the Academy loves to reward!"

2009-02-21T22:08:00.004-05:00

Oscar Preview and (abbreviated) Best Movies of 2008 postGoing to try something a little different here, since I have visions of my brother dry heaving at the mere thought of me doing an extensive category by category breakdown (aka "Kyle picks 'em all....even the loser categories") of the Oscars (I liked it, but whatever). At any rate, Shuk is better at it than me, so see here for his picks.

"First you think of an idea that has already been done. Then you give it a title that nobody could possibly like..."

2009-02-12T13:58:00.002-05:00

Shuk and Kyle Team-Up: The Best Movies of Our Lives, Part One: 1979 - 1985This fulfills my contractual obligation (we're getting paid for this, right?) to mention that, because I'm staggeringly old, my picks start in 1979, while Shuk's commence in 1981. Kyle's Picks: 1979 - 1985I just wanted to go on the record here that these nominees are what I would consider the most satisfying films of a

"It's about vampires, ostensibly, you know. But underneath, it's actually about the reunification of Germany..."

2009-02-04T17:04:00.007-05:00

Top 25 Albums of 2008 Keeping with my vendetta against the ultra-pretentious Pitchfork (admittedly, about 85% of this is me resenting having to look up words in a music review)--no doubt begging the question: why not just stop reading it? Shut up, that's why...--I'm going to run some of the more egregious Pitchfork reviews in '08 alongside my own picks. Enjoy (or, as

"Court? At Night? I'm Laughing Already!"

2009-01-16T13:55:00.002-05:00

Best of Television: 2008 EditionBack in July, when reviewing the best of '07, I wrote: Having just completed S1 of both Mad Men and Breaking Bad (note: actually a 2008 show. Rats.), I think it's time to quickly (and retroactively) rank my Top 16 Shows of 2007 (that is to say: the 2007 season--which may, confusingly, have begun in September 2006--for shows. In other words, S1 30 Rock is eligible,

"I guess some people never change. Or, they quickly change, then quickly change back..."

2009-01-07T01:11:00.002-05:00

WTFIGOW You and Your Deranged Protege?...hmmm, I've almost forgotten how this works.Fear not loyal readers, reader, Jesse, I shall return. Exam later today (Estates), plus one next week (IP), but then I'll be back--probably next Thursday or so. Immediately on tap:-Best TV Shows of 2008-Best Albums of 2008 (ranked)Later on:-Best Movies of 2008 (given how long it's taking me to watch films with

"Who likes to the rock the party? We like to rock the party..."

2008-12-23T13:15:00.005-05:00

Best Albums Project, Continued (Part Four of Four): 2005 - 2008And we're back...Misha's Picks2005: Late Registration by Kanye West: I first heard ‘Gold Digger’ when the video came on Much Music and within seconds my face was one inch away from the screen. Just about a perfect song. Quite a few people will tell you a similar story about me (literally) dragging them into my car to sit with me and

"You know, my kids think you're the greatest. And thanks to your gloomy music, they've finally stopped dreaming of a future I can't possibly provide."

2008-12-20T08:00:00.006-05:00

The Best Albums of 2000 - 2004: Kyle, Shuk, and MishaHere's the playlist. 2005-2008 to be posted early next week (trust us, you're thankful it wasn't posted all at once...)Intro (c/o Misha): Before we start, I’d like to thank Kyle and Mark for including me in this project. I have enjoyed the 80’s and 90’s entries, and am very happy to be a part of this final installment. No doubt, none of us will

"I used to be with it, but then they changed what "it" was. Now, what I'm with isn't it, and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me..."

2008-12-11T21:21:00.003-05:00

And we're back! Here's a link to our 1990-1999 playlist.Mark's Picks1990: Violator by Depeche Mode: I like to think that Depeche Mode listened to the Cure's "Disintegration" (Kyle's and my pick as the album of 1989), and decided, in the spirit of Crocodile Dundee's "you call that a knife?", to release a TRUE downer of an album the next year. One might argue that since grunge roared in like a

"Why do you need new bands? Everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974..."

2008-12-06T00:20:00.001-05:00

Team-Up: Shuk and Kyle's Best Albums of Our Lives: Part One, 1979-1989Intro (c/o Shuk): As an early Christmas gift to all of our readers, Kyle and I are teaming up not once, not twice, but thrice over the next month. Borrowing a concept from Man vs. Clown (check my blogroll), Kyle and I will be choosing one 'best album' from each year that we've been alive, complete with an explanation and a

"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the war room!!"

2008-11-27T13:52:00.003-05:00

Ranking The Presidents: The Complete ListOK, if (not a given) I've done this properly, clicking on a particular President will take you to the post where they're discussed. (A reminder that, as noted here, I tinkered with the rankings at one point-- dropping Reagan down two places--so while he'll appear as 18th when you click on his entry, I assure you, he's 20th. The corrected list is what you

"...as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature..."

2008-11-27T12:30:00.005-05:00

Ranking the Presidents, Part Ten: The GreatsSee also: part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part six, part seven , part eight, part nineSo far:42. James Buchanan41. Warren Harding40. William Henry Harrison39. Franklin Pierce38. George W. Bush37. Andrew Johnson36. Millard Fillmore35. John Tyler34. James A. Garfield33. Zachary Taylor32. Ulysses S. Grant31. Richard Nixon30. Herbert

"I'm sorry too, Dmitri. I'm very sorry...All right! You're sorrier than I am! But I am sorry as well. I am as sorry as you are Dmitri..."

2008-11-18T16:12:00.001-05:00

Ranking the Presidents, Part Nine: The Near GreatsSee also: part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part six, part seven , part eightSo far (revised):42. James Buchanan41. Warren Harding40. William Henry Harrison39. Franklin Pierce38. George W. Bush37. Andrew Johnson36. Millard Fillmore35. John Tyler34. James A. Garfield33. Zachary Taylor32. Ulysses S. Grant31. Richard Nixon30.

"My question is about the budget, sir..."

2008-11-10T16:55:00.004-05:00

Ranking the Presidents, Part Eight: The...Oh, My God!...These Guys Actually Seem to Know What They're Doing!See also: part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part six, part seven (In my best "TV anchor from Arrested Development voice: "I blew it!")Alright, so I fucked up. I've been trying to justify placing Reagan ahead of both Clinton and Bush 41 and, despite numerous attempts at

"You don't care? You really want a turd sandwich as your school mascot?! On your football helmets?! A turd?!"

2008-11-04T17:00:00.001-05:00

Ranking the Presidents, Part Seven: The AverageSee also: part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part sixSo far:42. James Buchanan41. Warren Harding40. William Henry Harrison39. Franklin Pierce38. George W. Bush37. Andrew Johnson36. Millard Fillmore35. John Tyler34. James A. Garfield33. Zachary Taylor32. Ulysses S. Grant31. Richard Nixon30. Herbert Hoover29. Benjamin Harrison28.

"Well, I've got news for you, mister! You can't quit! You're cut! [beat] You too, Milhouse."

2008-11-01T13:53:00.001-04:00

Team-Up #5: Shuk and Kyle Discuss the NFL, Mid-Season EditionMark: Well, before we get started, holy cow did you underrate that Jon Hamm SNL. That was a great episode.Kyle: Didn't I say it was the best of the year next to Hathaway? Maybe I didn't...Mark: I'd rank it ahead of Hathaway due to the brilliance of Jon Hamm's John Ham. If I'm Warner Brothers, I'm having Brandon Routh killed and signing

"And the results are in. For Sideshow Bob, 100%, for Joe Quimby, 1%. And we remind you there is a 1% margin of error..."

2008-10-29T19:51:00.002-04:00

Ranking the Presidents, Part Six: The Slightly Below AverageSee also: part one, part two, part three, part four, part fiveSo far:42. James Buchanan41. Warren Harding40. William Henry Harrison39. Franklin Pierce38. George W. Bush (not for nothing: that ranking is actually 11 points higher than his current approval rating)37. Andrew Johnson36. Millard Fillmore35. John Tyler34. James A. Garfield33.

"We begin to fall..."

2008-10-28T17:20:00.004-04:00

Truth, Justice, and the Battle Against Irrelevancy: Superman in American Culture (1938 - 2004): Screencap comes from the final page of Superman #653, one of the best Luthor-Superman issues of my lifetime.Seeing as we're exactly smack dab in the middle of the "Ranking the Presidents" thing, I thought I'd throw out a bit of a curveball. Here's a link to a paper I wrote on Superman when I was in

"Very well. If that is the way the winds are blowing, let no one say I don't also blow..."

2008-10-24T13:21:00.002-04:00

Ranking the Presidents, Part Five: The Thoroughly MediocreSee also: part one, part two, part three, part fourSo far:42. James Buchanan41. Warren Harding40. William Henry Harrison39. Franklin Pierce38. George W. Bush37. Andrew Johnson36. Millard Fillmore35. John Tyler34. James A. Garfield33. Zachary Taylor32. Ulysses S. Grant31. Richard Nixon30. Herbert Hoover29. Benjamin Harrison28. Jimmy

"That was a big mistake, Bart. No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it..."

2008-10-22T09:42:00.000-04:00

Ranking the Presidents, Part Four: The Won't Be Having an International Airport Named After Them Anytime Soon CrowdSee also: part one, part two, part threeSo far:42. James Buchanan41. Warren Harding40. William Henry Harrison39. Franklin Pierce38. George W. Bush (quick note: somehow I failed to include "Mission Accomplished" among the low points of his administration--whoops).37. Andrew Johnson36.

"I don't think Bob won that election legally. I can't believe a convicted felon would get so many votes and another convicted felon would get so few."

2008-10-16T17:34:00.003-04:00

Ranking the Presidents, Part Three: The Still Pretty AwfulSee also: part one, part twoSo far:42. James Buchanan41. Warren Harding40. William Henry Harrison39. Franklin Pierce38. George W. Bush37. Andrew Johnson36. Millard Fillmore35. John Tyler34. James A. Garfield (1881)High Points/Accomplishments: Had he survived, probably would've been a force against corruption (or would've become corrupted

"I voted for Prell to go back to the old glass bottle. After that, I became deeply cynical..."

2008-10-13T16:45:00.006-04:00

Ranking the Presidents, Part Two: More BumsSee also: part oneSo far:42. James Buchanan41. Warren Harding40. William Henry Harrison39. Franklin PierceNote: upon further review, I'm discontinuing the largely unnecessary "Allowances for the Instability of the Time Period," except in cases where I feel touching upon it is needed.38. George W. Bush (2001 - 99 days from now)High Points/Accomplishments

"And since I'd achieved all my goals as President in one term, there was no need for a second. The end."

2008-10-09T14:14:00.003-04:00

Ranking the Presidents, Part One: The Absolute BumsAha! I could sense by your John McCain-esque avoidance of eye-contact and by the way you said "you'll never start this project," that you thought I'd never start this project. This must be thoroughly embarrassing for you. It's OK, I won't gloat.Just a refresher on what I'll be covering:High Points/Accomplishments: does not apply to all

"...Please take that as both a sign of disrespect and a pointed reminder of my casual illiteracy. Which enrages you more?"

2008-09-23T19:18:00.009-04:00

Kyle's Favorite Books of the 90s: please note that the title is not "Best Books of the 90s" (though they are for me), as I realize just how subjective this can be (of course, you don't see me re-naming my music or TV lists, do you?)Honourable Mention: Gerald's Game by Stephen King (man, this book totally skeeved me out); Dark Tower III: The Waste Land by Stephen King (very good, but paled in

"This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened..."

2008-09-23T00:51:00.002-04:00

Team Up #4: Kyle and Shuk Discuss the EmmysMark: So yeah, Emmy madness! What was the ratio of Emmy-watching to football-watching on Sunday night?Kyle: Hmmm...probably about 3 to 1. We had it on ABC when the Emmys were running and then I flipped it to NBC during the breaks...but I was following the game play-for-play online like a psycho (fantasy implications and all). You?Mark: Surprisingly

"Be more constructive with your feedback!"

2008-09-11T15:50:00.001-04:00

2008 U.S. Open Recap: Standard structure. Six up and ten down, eh?...I appear to be growing more curmudgeonly in my golden years...Thumbs Up: to Roger Federer. Funny how his slump now looks like a very impressive year, isn't it? Three Grand Slam finals (and, in the fourth, he lost to the eventual champ in the semis), one major win, a gold medal (ok, fine, in doubles. Still...), three overall

"Uh-huh. Soviet boycott. U.S. unopposed in most events. How does this affect our giveaway?" "You personally stand to lose $44 million..."

2008-08-28T12:38:00.002-04:00

Shuk and Kyle Recap the Summer OlympicsMark: Kyle talked about the Beijing Games on his blog, and I've talked about it on my blog, but now, in this post, we BOTH talk about the Olympics....at the SAME TIME! This is the same kind of logic that leads to movies like Rush Hour being made, but, without further adieu....Kyle: Alright, I'm too self-conscious to start this, so you'll have to...Mark: Ok,

"Yes, yes, you've mentioned your son's batting average SEVERAL times..."

2008-08-27T12:32:00.005-04:00

2008 Little League World Series Championship Game Running Diary: it's back by popular demand. This year's final sees 5-0 West Waipahu, Hawaii facing off against 5-0 Matamoros, Mexico, which means my tasteless jokes about Japanese culture will have to be replaced by...tasteless jokes about the Latin Kings. Off we go...3:45: Looks as though Mexico's starting pitcher is Sergio Rodriguez, which is to

"Though it should be noted that many of these swimmers come from countries that have no swimming pools..."

2008-08-22T15:00:00.006-04:00

2008 Summer Olympics Recap (Rejected Working Title: How I Probably Shouldn't Have, All Things Being Equal, Spent My Honeymoon)OK, so here's the plan: I'm going to rank (admit it, you've desperately missed these hopelessly arcane lists) the Summer Olympic events from most interesting to least. I'll include some brief comments and also include--where appropriate (pretty much everywhere)--my

"I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true..."

2008-07-25T01:27:00.002-04:00

In Praise of Mad Men: the blank Qs is an old idea of David Foster Wallace's; the stilted writing is de moi.Scene: AMC Headquarters; Alexandria, Viriginia; Network head's office.Enter UNIDENTIFIED MANHi, I'm Matthew Weiner. Nice to meet you.Q.Never heard that before, honest. It's actually pronounced "whiner," but good one nonetheless. You probably don't know me, but I was David Chase's right hand

"I wish, too, but you're making it extremely difficult for me. I'm just trying to get these shoes back to my house so I can wear them..."

2008-07-18T13:24:00.001-04:00

The State of the Blog: A Semi-Annual(ish) FeatureI. Since my previous SotB contained an outlandish promise (remember the ill-fated Gravity's Rainbow read-and-blog? No? Good), let it not be said that this one doesn't either. To that end, I'm proud to unveil the "Ranking the Presidents" project. From #42 (I'm only going to say this once, people, so try to pay attention: the fact that Grover

"He's a lover but not a fighter. But he's also a fighter, so don't get any ideas..."

2008-07-06T02:30:00.007-04:00

Wimbledon Thoughts: Usual drill. Off we go...Thumbs Up: to Canadians. From Frank Dancevic upsetting the incredibly erratic David Nalbandian in Round One, to Stephanie Dubois's near-miss against Chakvedtadze (more on this in a sec), to Alexandra Wozniak winning a match, to Nestor winning the doubles title (completing the career doubles slam). This is what passes for a major success in Canadian

"I've explained this several times. The shaking was part of the game. The telling was not."

2008-06-27T14:30:00.003-04:00

Euro 2008 Recap: I'm ranking teams (I know: shocker) from worst performance to best performance, paying particular attention to expectations going in. For instance, it's perfectly acceptable for Croatia to advance through pool play and then lose in the quarters (though not in the manner they did--more on that in a bit); not so for, say, Italy.Also, as you (being so freaking observant...I really

"A film biography might let them get to know the real you: virtuous, heroic, nubile..." "[menacing] You left out pleasant!"

2008-06-22T19:20:00.009-04:00

Discussing the American Film Insitute's Ten Top 10 Lists: Part Two...and we're back. Here's the list of nominees, by the way, if you're interested.Legend: Should Be Higher, Should Be Lower, Should've Been on the List, More or Less in the Right Spot.GANGSTER:Me: [holding my breath as the Gangster segment starts]AFI Show: "we don't have Casino on the list because it's a total rip off (and poor one

"[sigh]...we did twenty takes, and that was the best one."

2008-06-19T16:36:00.005-04:00

Discussing the American Film Insitute's Ten Top 10 Lists: Part One...And if you thought I wasn't going to discuss televised movie lists made by other people, well...you obviously don't know me very well.At my brother's urging (I believe his exact words were "your Oscar preview...gah"), I'm splitting this up into two posts, each covering five lists. Happy, Taylor?Legend: Should Be Higher, Should

"Rant on, Simpson, but your vainglorious boasting will only add savor to my inevitable triumph..."

2008-06-17T18:45:00.004-04:00

Ranking Tiger's Majors: After the raging success of our last collaboration, Shuk and I are back at it again. The timely topic of the day is Tiger Woods, so I had the "terrific idea" (Shuk's words! Look it up if ye doubt the claim) to rank his major titles from least to most compelling.OK...after this post and the inevitable Euro 2008 post-mortem (sentence guaranteed to make an appearance therein

"That's worth a lot of money. That's much more valuable than Steve Austin." "Well, that may be the case, but none of this shit is sexy, okay?"

2008-06-14T12:37:00.006-04:00

Best Video Games of the 1990s: Part Two (#12 - #1): and we're back. Thanks in advance for not pointing out that my Top 25 list actually consists of 29 games.T12. Name: FIFA 1998: Road to the World Cup (PS1, 1997)Why it's on the list: you can make a good case for the original FIFA (which went with numbers, but no names from what I recall), as it was probably more influential, but '98 was much more

"...I mean, seriously, Asia? You framed an Asia poster? How hard did the people at the frame store laugh when you brought this in?"

2008-06-11T02:00:00.003-04:00

Best Video Games of 1990s (Part One, #25 - #13): Now, I know I've dorked it out here before, but this is probably taking it to a whole 'nother (not particularly cool) level. (But how great is that picture?)I'll freely admit that this list skews heavily towards sports games, but, if I'm being honest, I spent the bulk of the 90s playing...sports video games, so that was probably inevitable. On that

"I don't think I'll go back. It's gotten too commercial. It used to be about the grammar..."

2008-06-03T18:38:00.002-04:00

2008 Scripps National Spelling Bee Running Diary:7:55: We're coming at you live from our luxurious apartment on the York campus. This year's Bee features Carrie and I, a Chinese take-out menu, and a fully stocked bar (Dubonnet, Cork Gin, red wine, soju, Genesee beer, some leftover Long Island Iced Tea mix--mmmmm--and Strongbow). For tonight's festivities, I'm going with beer topped with soju,

"We're gonna need to watch that again...."

2008-05-28T00:25:00.002-04:00

Best Lost Episodes Ever (uh...so far): To commemorate the Season Four finale, Shuk and I thought we'd go with a (highly subjective!) list of the best Lost episodes thus far. What follows is Shuk's Top 15, followed by my Top 15, followed by comments from both of us on the other person's list. (Lists were compiled separately, then discussed together. This has been cross-posted on Mark's excellent

"Your playing days are over, my friend. But, you can always fall back on your degree in...[reads chart] communications!? Oh, dear Lord!"

2008-05-15T00:55:00.005-04:00

Now, I know nobody wants to talk about college football in May. Nevertheless...As you may or may not know, the college football Powers That Be voted against adding a plus-one game (two seeded semi-final bowl games--1 vs. 4, 2 vs. 3--followed by a championship game a week later, as opposed to the present 1 vs. 2 championship match-up) to the Bowl Championship Series (BCS), all but foreclosing the

"Dammit! Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter?"

2008-05-13T23:43:00.005-04:00

Sorry for my infrequent posting (read: no posting at all) these past couple of weeks. I should have some BCS thoughts (such angry, angry thoughts) up in the next couple of days and then I'll get back into the swing of things...but, in the meantime, I have to post this, which I just saw...and which may be the greatest thing ever:

"Oh, Homer, that's just an urban legend. People don't do that kind of thing with fish!"

2008-04-30T23:00:00.001-04:00

At first, I was going to go with "Top 10 Movie Wedding Moments," but then I realized that:a. most movies with weddings are chick flicks;b. having the original Manchurian Candidate at number one is just too dark; andc. I didn't really want to do it.So...without further ado, here are the Top 10 TV Wedding Moments. (No soap operas--sorry, Luke and Laura.) Enjoy (or, at the very least, nod along):

"I'm like Mozart. And you're like that guy that was always jealous of Mozart..."

2008-04-30T00:12:00.002-04:00

(And, no, I don't care that the photo has nothing to do with this post. It was a damn fine episode.)OK...so where were we? Apologies for my prolonged absence.A few points...1. NBA Playoffs: My excitement is building (which isn't saying a lot, since I probably watched three NBA regular season games from start to finish this year, down from ten or so last year, and 300 when I was seventeen), but,

"Who likes to rock the party? We like to rock the party..."

2008-04-08T20:13:00.005-04:00

Championship game thoughts: Now that was fun. A few quick points.1. Well...one thing I neglected to mention last night is that there was a decent chance that, for one of these teams, I would look like a wizard. That team, it turns out, was Memphis (btw, sorry about that whole "you'll never be a winner" thing, Bill Self. Now that you've won a national title, my new thing to make fun of you about

"I'm not crying...it's just been raining...on my face"

2008-04-07T16:12:00.005-04:00

On the Tigers 0-6 start...Note to sportswriters, intrepid reporters, announcers, commentators, bloggers...actually, pretty much everyone: please stop blaming this on the bullpen, because...1. The starting pitching has been just as bad. Verlander, Bonderman, Robertson, Rogers, and Willis (he of the single ugliest no-hit bid--5 IP, O H, 7 walks, 46 strikes and 43 balls, 21 batters faced, zero Ks...

"Well, no matter which way you look at it, the tape's still winning. Make sure you don't lose it..."

2008-04-02T16:30:00.002-04:00

Round 3 and 4 Tourney Recap: Sweet 16 participants (along with their original rank in my 65 to 1 posts).48. Western Kentucky: File this under "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished": as a reward for making the Sweet 16, WKU....loses their coach to a marginally better program (South Carolina) in a much better conference (the SEC). I can't say I really blame Darrin Horn for doing this (I'd be lying if I

"That game was fixed. They were using a freakin' ladder, for God's sakes!"

2008-03-27T16:27:00.002-04:00

NCAA Tournament Preview: Rounds 3 and 4: Well...I was going to go with something more substantial, but after making my picks, I cruised over to Seth Davis's latest entry. His selections are identical, so, if you're going to read anyone's pre-game analysis, it might as well be his. The picks are straight up, though I've made my (indefensibly gutless) spread selections in bold.All gambling data

"...If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

2008-03-25T16:15:00.002-04:00

NCAA Tourney Impressions: The First Four DaysHaving watched all 48 games (literally), I can safely say: I'm an idiot, as, once again, I've gotten far too cute with my tourney picks. Not that this would ever stop me from analyzing the events of the past four days..65. Coppin State (16):64. Mount St. Mary's (16): 63. Mississippi Valley State (16): 62. University of Texas-Arlington (16): 61.

"It's Business Time."

2008-03-20T03:13:00.003-04:00

2008 NCAA March Madness Preview, Part Two: The Contenders...and 21 Other Teams32. St. Joseph's (11): could very well lose to Oklahoma.31. Kansas State (11): as you may or may not have heard, K-State's star, Michael Beasley, went to six different high schools (plus was home schooled for a year), which is, um, more schools than I've attended my whole life...and I've been in school seemingly forever

"And Harlem Globetrotter...does that name mean nothing to you?"

2008-03-20T00:45:00.002-04:00

NCAA Preview, Part One: The "We're Just Happy to Be Here" Crowd...and Indiana University.65. Coppin State (16): Lots of internet chatter that Coppin State (record: 16-20) should be playing Mississippi Valley State (17-15) and not Mount St. Mary's (18-14). The reason that's not the matchup--allegedly--is that it would pit two black colleges against each other, which just might be perceived as

"Even Immigrants Enjoying Measure of Comfort..."

2008-03-15T17:01:00.008-04:00

In light of yesterday's Dow downturn, here's my favorite Onion headline ever:And this is pretty funny, too:Some Old Man Still Churning Out MarmadukeMONTGOMERY, TX—"I love what I do," said the elderly cartoonist, his body and mind crippled by an endless and repetitive stream of doodles featuring the Great Dane..onion_embed {background: rgb(256, 256, 256) !important;border: 4px solid rgb(65, 160,

"The stage was now set for the Alan Parsons project, which I believe was some sort of hovercraft..."

2008-03-13T03:18:00.002-04:00

Best of the Decades Project, Part 2: The 90s.Best AlbumsHonourable Mention...(Compilations not eligible, in case you were curious...)Good Weird Feeling by Odds (underrated); The Slim Shady LP by Eminem (overrated); Metallica (aka The Black Album) by Metallica (it is great, but, to me, it's of a total album than three singles padded out to seventy minutes); Jagged Little Pill by Alanis Morissette

"The Monkees weren't about music, Marge. They were about rebellion, about political and social upheaval!"

2008-03-09T17:22:00.002-04:00

In Treatment Mid-Season Review: Bit of a light blogging week for me (mostly due to an assignment I'm working on for U.S. Con law with a word limit that's about half as long as it should be, and thus twice as hard), but I'm hoping to knock off "90s albums" and "90s books" next week, followed by a March Madness preview by the 19th, and--possibly--a drunken running diary for the first day of the

"...but I was only in there to get directions on how to get away from there..."

2008-03-07T19:34:00.000-05:00

In all seriousness: is this supposed to be ironic?In Treatment review should be up tomorrow night.

"If I have to hear "Yah Mo B There" one more time, I'm gonna "Yah Mo" burn this place to the ground..."

2008-02-29T23:53:00.002-05:00

If you'll allow me to shill for my other blog just this once (note: promise not binding), check out the wedding blog for a brief post on some of the music we're planning on playing on the big day, complete with reasons why. Feedback welcome.While we're at it, I've thought it over, and here's my expanded list of the Top 20 Movies of 2007.Outside Looking In...25. 30 Days of Night24. Rescue Dawn23.

"A lot of the people here don’t get trophies very often, like Meredith or Kevin. I mean who’s gonna give Kevin an award? Dunkin’ Donuts?"

2008-02-26T02:31:00.009-05:00

Oscar Post-Mortem: Attached is my pick sheet for posterity's sake...and lest anyone think I'm petty enough to lie about my selections in an effort to make myself look better (Note: I am, but I didn't.)I ended up hitting 16 out of 24, thanks largely to making some different selections than the ones I wrote about on Saturday (Diablo Cody for Original Screenplay, Compass for Visual Effects, "Falling

"You know, I always thought that Matt Damon was a bit of a Streisand, but I think he's rockin' the shit in this one."

2008-02-23T18:51:00.005-05:00

Academy Awards Preview: aka, "Kyle picks 'em all....even the loser categories." Dammit, Shuk, I thought we were supposed to coordinate this shit...To get things going and to calibrate my film tastes, here's my top five (or more) films for 2003-2006, plus my top 15 for 2007:2006: 1. Pan's Labyrinth, 2. Brick, 3. Little Miss Sunshine, 4. The Departed, 5. The Prestige, 6. Little Children, 7. Borat,

"Don't. Praise. The. Machine."

2008-02-20T01:03:00.011-05:00

Best of the Decades Project, Part 1: The 90s.Best TV ShowsOh, 90s (or, as I prefer, "80s Jr."). Has it really been eight years since you ended? My how the time flies....Methodology: I've decided to use five metrics to evaluate these shows (and now I can cross "metrics" off of my "1,000 Words to Use in My Blog" list--score!). Each category is worth five points for a total of twenty-five--though

"Ah, you've been all edgy and suspicious ever since I gave you those pep pills..."

2008-02-11T02:40:00.001-05:00

The Moment of Truth Running Diary: not to be confused with the ill-fated Milli Vanilli follow-up album of the same name...or the ELO album...or the Whitney Houston song....or the Hardy Boys casefile (#109--I believe it involved smugglers), this Moment of Truth (or, as I prefer to call it: "Mr. Walberg's Fantabulous Break-Up Machine") is a FOX game show airing Wednesday nights at 9.My buddy Sean

"I've Said it Before and I'll Say it Again: Democracy Simply Doesn't Work, People..."

2008-02-05T14:00:00.001-05:00

Super-Duper Tuesday (Live) Running Diary: OK, I'm going on the record right now: this may not work.Check back for posts around 7:00 PM. I'll also be on MSN to discuss the night's events. No guarantees as to accuracy and/or insight.6:46: the briefest of brief tutorials for those that may be watching/reading tonight who don't follow U.S. politics on a regular basis. On the Democratic side, Clinton

"Everyone has a plan until they get smacked in the mouth..."

2008-02-05T03:50:00.000-05:00

Super Bowl XLII Post-Mortem: Well, add this game to the list of things--along with Boys Don't Cry and Games 1, 3, 4, and 5 of the 2006 World Series--that were really compelling but that I never, ever want to see again...I hate that I'll have to read Easterbrook's column tomorrow, complete with some sort of tortured Good vs. Evil analogy and blanket statements that the Pats "deserved" to lose

"Kids, I know you loved the old Poochie but the new one is going to be better than ten Super Bowls! I don't want to oversell it, judge for yourselves"

2008-02-03T02:00:00.002-05:00

Super Bowl XLII Preview (except not really....it's more like a random musings about professional football): I was going to break down the Big Game (capitalization required as per NFL rules) position by position, but that turned out to be really boring, so I've decided not to.(But, if you're wondering: Big edge to the Pats at QB, WR, OL, special teams, and coaching; slight edge to the Pats LBs;

"No one wins. One side just loses more slowly..."

2008-01-30T01:15:00.001-05:00

The Wire (Season Four): It starts with an industrial strength nail gun and ends with a harmless carjacking ("harmless" being an altogether relative thing in the Wireverse). In between, there's just a shade under twelve hours of absolutely riveting television; flat-out outstanding stuff that I'm kicking myself for not watching from the get-go.With an eye towards spoiling as little as possible (not

"Of course you'll have a bad impression of New York if you only focus on the pimps and the C.H.U.D.s..."

2008-01-23T18:34:00.002-05:00

A Weekend at the Movies: Last weekend was the first one in ages that I wasn't bogged down with school stuff--ah, semestered system, how I love you in early January...--so I managed to catch four movies, far more than my usual average of zero. Now, I tend to steer clear of movie reviews--strictly speaking, these are the very first to appear on my blog--for a variety of reasons, including but not

"That Night, Fate Wore a Cummerbund...of Suspense"

2008-01-13T20:55:00.000-05:00

Golden Globes Preview: Hot on the heels of my brilliant NFL Playoff prognosticating (no, I'm not done bragging about it) and largely ignoring my middling performance in the Yahoo! College Bowl Pick 'Em (don't ask) and my disastrous Emmy projections (sadly, available here), here are my Golden Globe picks. Stay tuned for a forthcoming TV Year in Review (probably in the next couple of weeks) and a

"You Can't Wear Blue in Knuckle Beach, Which is Hard, Because Jeans Go With Everything..."

2008-01-11T21:13:00.000-05:00

Kid Nation Season Finale Running Diary (Aired: December 9th, 2007)Coming at you live from my new laptop (which is awesome) and using Vista (which is, um, idiosyncratic). This aired over a month ago, but I was away, so it's only coming online now. Here you go, Robbie.Comments for the uninitiated--which, if the Nielsen ratings are any indication, comprises nearly everyone--in blue. 8:01: The

"Boys Becoming Men, Men Becoming Wolves..."

2008-01-03T14:00:00.000-05:00

Seriously, if I ever try to add images to a post in the future, feel free to shoot me in the face...Also: in the words of Frank Costanza: "I'm back, baby!"2007 Music: A Completely Objective Year in ReviewI first did this when I was living in Korea in 2005 for Sarah's blog (you can download that list right here).The original test is lifted more or less (more) completely from my '05 post on the

"I want to set the record straight: I thought the cop was a prostitute."

2007-11-20T01:30:00.001-05:00

Obsession (2007) by Jonathan KellermanFair is fair. I was unkind (though not, I'll stress, inaccurate) in my reviews (here and here) of Harlan Coben this summer, whom I likened (or meant to liken) to a poor man's Jonathan Kellerman, pretty much my favorite mystery writer. Well, having just completed Kellerman's latest (Obsession), I think it's safe to say: he's almost completely lost it.I'll let

"Limitless Paper in a Paperless World..."

2007-11-08T00:39:00.000-05:00

Odds, Ends, Musings, Upcoming ProjectsTaking a break from slogging through my Evidence textbook (put it this way: if someone even so much as uses the word "privilege," I'll flip out) to come at you live from the confines of my bed with my new wireless router, which I love so much I want to take behind the middle school (you know the rest...). Nothing here to warrant a full post, so off we go:a.

"A man's trousers are, in a situation like this, essential to his dignity and his composure..."

2007-10-31T23:10:00.002-04:00

Note: the post title, somewhat awesomely, comes from an actual quote from Justice Thomas Berger's (formerly of the British Columbia Supreme Court) remarks in R. v. Serack (1974).Two Saturdays ago, my best friend Misha (a pharmaceutical sales rep—remember that part—in Barrie), got married in London to the lovely Jessica Henry. My best man speech didn’t go exactly as planned, so I thought I’d use

"You can't fire me! I don't work in this van!"

2007-10-20T10:11:00.000-04:00

The One-Third(ish) of the NFL Season RecapGreatest NFL Uniforms Ever, Bar None: The Chargers powder blue unis from the Air Coyrell era (see left). I thought they'd retired these bad boys, but I'm happy to report that they're back...for at least one game this year. Memo to Chargers: wear these every week! It's not like you're going to play any worse than you already have.Rule that Needs to be

"And that's why you never make a Slap Bet with your friend..."

2007-10-14T16:05:00.000-04:00

[rubbing hands together maniacally]2007 World Blogger Championship of Online Poker [sic]PokerStars Tournament #63028692, No Limit Hold'emFreeroll1337 playersTournament started - 2007/10/14 - 15:00:00 (ET)1259: banditshuman (Windsor)1260: luckyt0aster (Racine)1261: kacorkiraly (Budapest)1262: KACKIS (Kaunas)1263: incandenza (Toronto)1264: esqulax24 (North Hills)1265: thomasson88 (Szolnok)1266:

But one never knows, after all, now does one, now does one, now does one...

2007-10-11T15:04:00.000-04:00

New Fall ShowsTo put this early look at the fall 2007 season into perspective and since I was curious/bored, I decided to look up how many hit shows have emerged over the past fifteen years. "Hit" can be described as something that I consider to be good and has lasted for at least two seasons or something that I don't consider to be particular good but has been a ratings hit (see: Anatomy, Grey's

"...Otherwise it is merely wires and lights in a box."

2007-09-23T22:40:00.000-04:00

The Preseason Fine FifteenA semi-regular feature....A reminder that this list is limited to current shows, in primetime (sorry, Daily Show, Colbert Report, and World Poker Tour), and excludes sporting events, otherwise my top five would be as follows:1. PTI 2. NFL Sunday Ticket in high def3. late season (5 through 9) Seinfeld reruns4. Jeopardy5. Watching Notre Dame get pasted by...whomever

"Whatever the mess you are, you're mine, okay..."

2007-09-17T00:31:00.000-04:00

2007 U.S. Open Recap Note: yes, I realize this ended a week ago. What do you want from me? I'm pretending to go to law school here! Stay tuned for my World Series preview in December.I wanted to come up with some Esquire-"Dubious Achievement Awards"-inspired witty titles, but, to be honest, that takes a lot of work, so let's just go with "Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down."Thumbs Up: Roger Federer. I think

"Was this year’s Dundies a success? Well, I made Pam laugh so hard, she fell out of her chair and almost broke her neck. So I killed, almost..."

2007-09-13T00:47:00.000-04:00

Emmy Awards Preview - Part Two: The ComediesMy Four Biggest Problems With the Emmy Process: 4. The Voters Are Old. I'm don't necessarily mean geriatric, just generally old. First example: The Golden Girls won Outstanding Comedy Series in 1985 and 1986. Was Family Ties not on the air? Cheers on hiatus?? If there was a voter under 40 on the panel, he or she would have quit on the spot. Second

"Finally, I want to thank God, because God gave me this Dundie, and I feel God in this Chili's tonight..."

2007-09-07T00:30:00.000-04:00

Emmy Awards Preview, Part One: The Dramas (Sunday, September 16th)Oh, I'll just come right out and say it: these people are idiots. Absolute morons. That said, apparently this award show--which, I swear to God, gave more nominations to According to Jim (one) than The Wire (zero)...Google it if ye doubt the claim--is still relevant, so I shall preview it. ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIESJames Gandolfini,

"In This House We Obey the Rules of Thermodynamics!"

2007-09-06T16:41:00.000-04:00

The Big Bang Theory (CBS, Mondays at 8:30): When we were in high school, my best buddy Misha was close friends with a girl named Katie Reid. They would often sit on the bus together--in the days before we had our licenses and prior to us pretty much writing off public transportation forever--and Misha would regale her with a series of (and I'll interject here: largely fictitious) witty tales and

I Love This Show So Much I Want To Take it Behind The Middle School and Get It Pregnant...

2007-09-01T14:10:00.000-04:00

Pushing Daisies (ABC, Wednesdays at 8:00): Now here's a show I can get behind. It doesn't premiere for another month (October 3rd) but, trust me, it'll be worth the wait.So...what's it all about? Well, to be honest, I kind of think that the promo monkeys at ABC have given away a bit too much, so I'll try my very best to be brief. Pushing Daisies is the story of Ned (played by Lee Pace, who was

"You call that a Salchow?! It looks like you have mad Salchow disease! That's right, your skating has a spongiform encephalopathy, bitch!"

2007-08-28T17:55:00.000-04:00

2007 Little League World Series Championship Game Running Diary Well, it seems that it's taken me less than a month as a blogger to ape my one-time sportswriting idol, Bill Simmons (whom I still like, but now find to be incredibly average) with a running diary of the 2007 Little League World Series Championship between Warner Robins, Georgia and Tokyo, Japan. Trusted companions include my fiancee

"Don't you ever, EVER compare me to Family Guy, you hear me Kyle? Compare me to Family Guy again and so help me, I will kill you where you stand!"

2007-08-24T13:02:00.000-04:00

I wouldn't say that people are exactly loving this show, but it does have a 72 on Metacritic, which puts it slightly ahead of Big Love and slightly behind Hotel Babylon (make of that what you will)--of course, my parents' unsanctioned F-minus-minus would probably drag that number down considerably--but the buzz seems fairly positive. Respectfully: that's fucking crazy.Five Things That Are

"He now looked not simply like the ruins of his youth, but like the ruins of those ruins..."

2007-08-22T11:59:00.002-04:00

The Yiddish Policeman's Union (2007) by Michael ChabonThe Yiddish Policeman’s Union tells the story of Meyer Landsman, a once-promising detective who is, at the moment, drowning in a sea of his own raging alcoholism. With the help of his more attentive partner (his half-cousin Berko), Landsman investigates the mysterious death of a former chess prodigy/messiah figure/current heroin addict. He is

In Five Years, We'll All Either Be Learning It In School...or Be Dead By Its Hand

2007-08-21T15:20:00.000-04:00

Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything (2005) by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner This book was a huge hit back in '05 (#2 on The New York Times bestseller's list), but I'm fairly lazy, so I didn't get around to reading it until I stole it from my friend Andrew up at his parents' cottage and plowed through it in a day over the August long weekend (thanks,

"See all that stuff inside, Homer? That's why your robot never worked..."

2007-08-15T12:54:00.000-04:00

Bionic Woman (2007)Caveats: (1) some of the special effects hadn't been added to the copy I watched, which meant that her bionic arm looked decidedly unbionic and, hilariously, the scene where she ran, Superman-like, beside a moving vehicle, reminded me very much of Poochie returning to his home planet on The Simpsons (except horizontally); (2) I'm pretty sure they were using stock music, as

This, too, began to seem familiar...

2007-08-10T12:52:00.000-04:00

Tell No One tells the story of Dr. David Beck who, eight years ago, tragically lost his wife when she was kidnapped and later murdered. Or did he? (Hint: no.) We're barely into chapter two when David receives a cryptic e-mail suggesting that rumors of his wife's demise were greatly exaggerated. And we're off. Or something...This is probably why I haven't been hired to write exhilarating jacket

"Whatever’s Just Slightly Worse Than Useless..."

2007-08-09T12:07:00.000-04:00

OK, so, technically, this is simply a re-posting of my Facebook review of the book, but I thought I'd get the ball rolling. Stay tuned for another Coben review (Tell No One, which--impossibly--I liked even less than this one).Book Review: Promise Me by Harlan Coben (2006)Read: last weekThis Harlan Coben guy...boy, I don't know...Strike One: really, really weak dialogue that HC is trying (I'm

Fall 2007 TV preview coming soon...

2007-08-07T11:47:00.000-04:00

...look at me, ma--I'm on the webernet!Shows (leaked pilots only, at this stage):The Sarah Connor ChroniclesChuckBionic WomanPushing DaisiesCaneBig Bang TheoryMore to come (hopefully).