Saturday, November 1, 2008

"Well, I've got news for you, mister! You can't quit! You're cut! [beat] You too, Milhouse."

Team-Up #5: Shuk and Kyle Discuss the NFL, Mid-Season Edition

Mark: Well, before we get started, holy cow did you underrate that Jon Hamm SNL. That was a great episode.

Kyle: Didn't I say it was the best of the year next to Hathaway? Maybe I didn't...

Mark: I'd rank it ahead of Hathaway due to the brilliance of Jon Hamm's John Ham. If I'm Warner Brothers, I'm having Brandon Routh killed and signing Hamm up as Superman, like, yesterday.

Kyle: Yeah...he should really be in absolutely everything.

CNN headline "Ted Stevens denies Conviction"...awesome. I literally heard him say he wasn't convicted.

Mark: It's probably not good form to just come out and say "You can still vote for me, Alaska! Bush will pardon me anyway!"

Kyle: lol, true.

Mark: But, anyway, are you ready for some football?!?!?!

Kyle: Here's a schedule grid if you want to see who is playing who down the stretch.

Mark: Sweet, thanks. That's odd, Buffalo didn't play a division game before last week?

Kyle: Yeah...really strange schedule for them.

Mark: Okay, well, for readers who aren't aware, I'm a Green Bay fan and Kyle is a Detroit fan. So let's all just pause and bow our heads in a moment of mournful respect for Kyle's sanity right now.

Kyle: lol...openly antagonistic right off the bat, eh? I was going to mention how much better you are at picking games than I am, but now I won't. No, wait, that's mean.

Mark: Not to brag, but I am in the top three in all three of my NFL pick'em leagues. The bragging rights are somewhat negated by the nerdy fact that I'm in three NFL pick'em leagues, but I digress.

Kyle: Well, you're 61-55 in our league (6 over .500), while I'm 52-64 (12 under).

Mark: Eat it, Chris Schultz! Actually, I was watching Sportscentre this morning....apparently Schultz is something like 21-10 on the year thus far (though, obviously, with the caveat that he only picks four games a week). Jimmy Johnson, somewhat hilariously, is about 10-20 on the FOX pregame show picks.

Kyle: I think Schultz started out like 10-2 or he's trailed off, but, yeah, it kind of cheapens in when you cherry-pick four games. He picks against the spread though, right? JJ picks 'em straight up, which makes it even worse.

Mark: Jimmy falls victim to the same thought process that plagues my dad in our family pool....he picks the team that is the better team, which never works in the crazy NFL. Especially this year. Oh, I'm also winning my family pool, so that's four top-threes. *pumps fist*

Kyle: There is some sort of time-tested theory (which TMQ always go on) about how picking the team with better record (or, if they're tied, the home team) should make you right about 65% of the time. How about Misha, who went against what he thought was right last week...and ended up 2-12. I think he should be celebrating.

Mark: He tried the George Costanza 'do the opposite of my instincts' thing, eh? Well, hey, it's really like being 12-2.

Kyle: Exactly.

Mark: Honestly, if you took a simple three-team Proline card picking the three biggest spread underdogs of the week, you'd win more often than not.

Kyle: It's true. You'd be killing if you bet the money line on every underdog this year. Are you willing to bankroll me? We could split the profits 90-10! (I get 90).

Mark: Can I bankroll you in Bre-X stock?

Mark: Well, anyway, given that this is technically supposed to be an NFL midseason recap, we should probably discuss football at some point here.

Kyle: Fair enough.

Mark: Let's start with....who's your NFL MVP after eight games?

Kyle: Oh, jesus! Is this not the strangest year for the NFL MVP?

Mark: It'll be hard to top the year when the kicker won ('82?), but yeah, it's a real crapshoot.

Kyle: That's worthy of its own book...or at least a 14,000 word Gary Smith article in SI. I'm going to throw some names out: Jason Campbell. Jake Delhomme. Brian Westbrook. Big Ben.

Mark: Yikes

Kyle: Stop me when you think I've named someone deserving.

Mark: If a Redskin gets it, I think it would be Portis (#1 fantasy player on Yahoo!) over Campbell just for seniority. I'll mention Drew Brees under the A-Rod Memorial 'His Team Kinda Stinks But His Numbers Are Great' clause

Kyle: Yeah, but, as you say, the Saints are trash. Andre Johnson is putting up monster numbers right now...but his team is 3-4. Could we have a Paul Hornung wins the Heisman for a 3-9 Notre Dame team situation this year? Doubtful.

Kyle: Trent Edwards?...Sorry, my computer just exploded.

Mark: Trent Edwards, ye gods. Ras-Trent himself. First MVP for a Toronto team since George Bell!

Kyle: You leave 1987 the hell out of this conversation! A goddamn travesty that was.

Mark: After the Jays collapsed down the stretch, tossing them an MVP was the least the writers could do.

Kyle: I just know that the five guys you would think would be in the mix -- Manning, Brady, LT, AP, and, I dunno, say Moss -- really aren't in the conversation (right now...LT and AP could make a run).

The guy that knocked out Brady?

Mark: Actually, you could make a good postmodern argument for Brady. Isn't he 'most valuable' based on the fact that after his injury, everyone acted like JFK had been shot?

Kyle: So Bernard Pollard is Oswald?

Mark: Which makes Herman Edwards into Jack Ruby, as he is shooting the entire KC organization right now.

Kyle: Don't think Oswald gave a sound bite even close to this one, though: "It was really an accident, I can't change what happened. I can't do anything but pray for him and hope he has a speedy recovery." I'm too afraid to say anything...

Mark: Poor Pollard. He sounds like Goodell had a gun pointed at his head

Kyle: Nice shot at Herm. I missed that.

Mark: Now, not to sound like a homer, but....Aaron Rodgers? He's got a winning team, he's putting up good to very good numbers, and theoretically should only get better as he gets more comfortable

Kyle: I thought of him...and it's not unreasonable of you to put him in the running. My concern is that he's going to get hurt again.

What if Romo comes back and plays lights out? Could it be given to someone who only played 75% of his team's games?

Mark: If that coincides with a Dallas resurgence, that could very well happen. Dark horse pick that would never happen, but could arguably deserve it: Joey Porter.

Kyle: ...boy, that came out of nowhere. If there were ever a year for a defensive player to win it, this might be it.....or Kerry which point they'd immediately discontinue the award.

Mark: So far the NFL MVP is the same as this year's AL MVP.....a lot of maybes but no clear-cut #1. Rookie of the Year, however, seems a lot more straight-forward.

Kyle: Agreed. Joe Flacco. Next?

Mark: lol, I'm giving my Ravens-loving brother so much flack over Flacco (pun intended). I've already started the "next year, try drafting a D-1 QB" taunts.

Kyle: Shame that Felix Jones got hurt (he won the NFL Rookie of the Week three times in his first five weeks). This is doubly impressive when you realize that Wade Phillips will only let him touch the ball five times a game (GOD!). Anyway, the actual ROY: Chris Johnson, I assume?

Mark: Hmm, I was actually going to go with Matt Ryan or Matt Forte over Chris Johnson, but if the Titans keep rolling, he might well take it.

Wade Phillips.....boy, I dunno. If there was ever an NFL coach to suffer the 'playoff contender fires coach ridiculously late in the season' strategy like the Brewers or Devils used, it'll be Phillips.

Kyle: I actually kind of like him (on Hard Knocks he seemed like a really good guy)...and I'm really not sure how much of this we can pin on him (freakish numbers of injuries), but there's no denying that, even before Romo went down, there was something wrong with that team. I can't see him getting fired during the year, but, if he did, Jason Garrett would step in and do a terrific job. I have no doubt about that.

Ryan...possibly. Forte, too...though hasn't he fallen off a bit? I think Johnson ends up taking it.

Mark: The Phillips-Jerry Jones spoofs on Kissing Suzy Kolber are no doubt very close to actually happens every week. As for ROY, when in doubt, go with the rookie that was picked higher. Ryan is the leader in the clubhouse right now.

Kyle: Between Week 10 and Week 16, the Falcons play: NO, DEN, CAR, @SD, @NO, TB, @MIN. I think they'll be exposed then.

And I'll point out that, in picking 18th, the Ravens passed on Jones, Forte, and DeSean Jackson to reach for Flacco.

Mark: Glorious. If only they had an offensive genius like Brian Billick coaching the team

Kyle: lol, I actually kind of miss Billick--never thought I'd say that.

Mark: He's a good colour analyst, I heard one of his games a couple of weeks back and was thinking, "Wow, this guy is making some good comments." Then they cut to the booth and it was Billick. I felt so dirty. It was like hearing a good tune on the radio and then hearing the DJ reveal it to be the new Fergie single or something.

Kyle: Nice analogy. Despite having Sunday Ticket, I never seem to catch a game he's doing. I think I need to go to Awful Announcing and print off the booth some sort of psycho.

Mark: He usually gets the lower-caliber games, so at least you can catch him on a Lions game and kill two birds with one stone!

Kyle: Yay! [bangs head against table]

Mark: This seems as good a time as any to get into this Kyle-suggested talking point......'who has the better chance of going 0-16, Detroit or Cincy?'

Kyle: Both, I'll note, are 5000-to-1 longshots to win the Super Bowl.

Aside: this is amazing...Peter Frampton in on CNN (oh, as you can probably tell, I only watch CNN when I'm home during the day--this is unlikely to continue past January 20, 2009) complaining that people keep stealing his Obama sign from his lawn. Life imitating art! Just replace "giant inflatable pig" with "lawn sign."

Mark: It's official, CNN has run out of things to talk about with this election

Kyle: Agreed. I really need to get a life. I almost twittered Rick Sanchez yesterday.

Mark: That sounds dirty.

Kyle: OK...Cincy has: JAX, PHI, @PIT, BAL, @IND, WAS, @CLE, KC. Detroit has: @CHI, JAX, @CAR, TB, TEN, MIN, @IND, NO, @GB. So...both are in real trouble. I'd say neither team goes winless (I know, really out on a limb), but that the Lions lock in the #1 pick (which they will use on the best receiver available) with a 2-14 record to Cincy's 3-13.

Mark: Cincy's best chance for a win has to be the KC game. Maybe even the Browns game the week prior. As for the Lions, man, that's rough. I could see them winning the Minnesota game in one of the Vikings' classic "we're awful" games, but otherwise, there is a legit chance they could reverse-run the table.

Kyle: Reverse-run, I like that. They might go 1-15, it's true. But they could (conceivably) beat the Bears, Vikings (I think that's the Thanksgiving game), or Saints. Cincy has to beat JAX or BAL, or they may roll into Cleveland 0-14.

Mark: I don't think the Lions are beating Chicago in Chicago, and the Saints will still presumably be hunting for a playoff spot, so they don't be letting up. Nope, I think it's just the Vikings game as their chance to break the streak.

Kyle: They don't play each other, so do you think that Goodell should jump in right now and say "if you both end up 0-16, there's a #1 pick playoff the night before the SB"? Or maybe a five-minute halftime game (like with Timbit Hockey kids) before Springsteen goes on-stage?

Mark: I'd pay to see that. In fact, were it not for KC's inexplicable win over Denver, that Bengals-Chiefs tilt in Week 17 could've been the real 0-fer Bowl

Kyle: I insist you make a WWE reference here.

Mark: It would be like Barry Horowitz facing Iron Mike Sharpe in the match before the main event at Wrestlemania.

Kyle: I knew you'd come through for me.

Mark: TJ Houshmandzadeh's "we'll win a game" guarantee....lamest guarantee in sports history?

Kyle: Yes. But at least he's backing it up with a(n insane) promise: walking 27 miles to the NFL studios. Guarantees have been so cheapened that, years ago, I suggested that they should only be prefaced with "we'll win this game or you can kill me." Now THAT'S pressure.

Mark: 27 miles isn't even that far to walk. It's easily doable for a pro athlete. TJ should've bet that unless Cincy wins, he would also have to change his last name to Ocho Cinco

Kyle: I think the wrinkle is that it's 27 highway miles. No clue how he'd manage that. It'd be like [insert name of semi-popular CFL star here] walking alongside the 401 (i.e. very strange).

Mark: Given the budgets of CFL teams, I thought that was how the Tiger-Cats got to Toronto for games.

Fun Wikipedia fact: the match before the Hulk Hogan/Sid Vicious main event at Wrestlemania 8 was actually close to Horowitz-Sharpe. It was a 71-second bout between Owen Hart (who at that point was barely above jobber level) against Skinner (whose gimmick was an evil alligator hunter).

Kyle: 71 seconds? Why would they even do that?

Mark: It's really no fun mocking your Lions fandom. I mean, there's just no fun in it.If nothing else, at least your baseball team has a chance at making the playoffs sometime in the next decade. Sigh. Damn Blue Jays.

Kyle: Like I've said, some lean years ahead for Michigan sports. I may need to start following college hockey.

Mark: You know who's suffering the most with this dual Bengals-Lions mediocrity? My cat, Bailey. Of his four favourite teams, two have yet to win a game. Poor Bailey.

Kyle: Wait..your cat has favorite teams?

Mark: Yeah, the Lions, Bengals, Jaguars and Panthers

Kyle: Oh, I get it...1 out of 4 ain't bad.

Mark: I dunno what would happen if, say, Carolina and JAX played in a Super Bowl. He'd be on the equivalent of a catnip high for that entire game.

Kyle: And the NFL would probably lobby to have the cat demographic counted, since no one else would watch that match-up.

Mark: Bailey's teams' mediocrity really hurts him in our family football pool. He's yet to win a week.

Kyle: That's disappointing. Even Misha has won a week in our pool. (note: not true)

Mark: Our family pool is just straight wins-losses, so Bailey has the easier task. Be sure to mention to Misha that we're openly comparing his performance to that of an animal.

Kyle: You can count on it!

Mark: Okay, so, biggest surprise of the NFL season?

Kyle: fantasy stuff...or real teams?

Mark: Teams, players.....we can cover fantasy in our next segment, 'Kyle and Mark Bitch About Their Fantasy Teams'

Kyle: Hmmm....I suppose the implosion of the regular AFC stalwarts. San Diego and Indy have looked like dogshit for most of the season. The New England thing is a bit more explicable...though they're hanging around (but are they not the ugliest 5-2 team you've ever seen?)

Also: the whole Dallas thing has been frightening, but I'll save that until the fantasy section, since I have a team in my Osgoode league that is comprised entirely of Cowboys.

Mark: SD did lose Merriman, so they've had injury woes too. Plus I can't help but think that LT's "toe" injury is worse than they're letting on. Re: ugliest 5-2 team. The Steelers raise their hands.

Kyle: I still like them, but yeah.

Mark: I agree with the Colts/Patriots/Chargers downfall as the biggest surprise, since all three going down (apparently) was unexpected to say the least. The funny thing is, the Pats and Chargers could still easily win their divisions

Kyle: I know. Very weird. I'll throw Tennessee into the mix for most surprising, too. I don't think anyone anticipated them being 7-0--largely because we assumed Vince Young would be the starting QB.

Mark: They're a paper 7-0 given that though they're unbeaten, I don't think anyone thinks they'll be a Super Bowl or anything. Though they're solid, don't make many mistakes....reminds me of Tampa's Super Bowl team.

Also, not really a 'surprise' per se, but more like 'relief'.....Aaron Rodgers. I am so, so, glad that he looks like a good quarterback....presuming he doesn't turn into Derek Anderson in the last three games

Kyle: Yeah, I'm happy for him. Just an awful situation for him all around.

Mark: Most underrated storyline of the year: Brett Favre's gradual heel turn I mean, calling the Lions to give advice on how to play GB?! Seriously?

Kyle: Least surprising: Peter King being unwilling to criticize Favre. Just such a dumb move by Favre...even if he (maybe) didn't give away any secrets.

Mark: I don't even read PK anymore. He rarely adds anything truly noteworthy anymore. His column is slowly morphing from "breaking news" to "here's what I think about news that other people broke"

Kyle: But what about his feature where he compares a current star to a star at the same position from a totally different era? It's riveting! I especially like the bits about QBs before the forward pass was legal...

Mark: King was a lot better when he wrote under the name "Dr. Z" [/Misha]

Kyle: I suppose my most underrated thing just happened: shouldn't more be made about Mike Singletary delivering his halftime pep talk with his pants around his ankles? This is how you win over your players?

Mark: Wait, what?

Kyle: Yeah, I saw it on PTI yesterday. At halftime of the Seattle game, he mooned his team in the locker room and then, inexplicably, kept his pants down while berating them. I mean, I didn't think it was possible to make Mike Nolan look competent, but here we are.

Mark: That's amazing. The Singletary era is already off to a great start. So the 49ers have gone from 'coach dressed to the nines' to 'pantsless coach.' Biggest dropoff in NFL history

Kyle: Yup, although the suits were made by Reebok. Man, at least Lions' coaches have the decency to be naked in their own car...drunkenly ordering driving-thru.

Mark: Ok, we've put it off long enough.....commence bitching about your fantasy team.

Kyle: Sigh....Romo (whom I reached for in the first round) getting hurt had so many adverse consequences, since I have Crayton (who wasn't exactly setting the world on fire when Romo was healthy) and Witten (Tony's BFF to the point where Witten went with Romo and Jessica Simpson on that romantic getaway last year...even though I later found out that Witten is actually married.)

That and the fact that McFadden is totally shitting the bed for me. I find it completely perverse that Miami is running the Wildcat formation (that McFadden put on the map when he went to Arkansas) simply because they now have the old Arkansas Offensive Coordinator, while McFadden--who is playing with even less talented "skilled" position players--is languishing in a stale Oakland offense...or not playing at all. I have many more complaints, but, like golf horror stories, I think there are diminishing returns after two. You?

Mark: My fantasy teams are the inverse of my pick'em sets. My one team (the Cracker Factory) is 3-5, though with a two-game win streak since acquiring LenDale White for Wes Welker straight-up. My gamble on Rudi Johnson was something of a killer for that team.

My other team (Why So Jerious?) [Note from Kyle: I missed this the first time, but, to borrow a line from Boogie Nights: "those are great names!!"] is a desultory 1-7, solely because every single damn week, I leave a big performance on the bench. Check this out: if I had played my 'ideal lineup' every week, I'd be 7-1.

Kyle: Yikes! I'm 4-4 (cash league), 2-5, and 4-3, so not much to brag about either. Though, because New Orleans has a bye, I'm forced to start Frerotte this Sunday in that third league. If I win that, I'll never shut up about it.

Mark: Witten is entering into the worse possible phase of a fantasy season, the 'hurt but is still playing, probably poorly' status.

Kyle: Yeah, has long does it take to recover from a broken rib? A while, I think. Much as it pains me (and yes, in a discussion involving a real player's real broken rib, I'm referring to my own fantasy-related pain--what a tool), he really shouldn't play...then he can come back when Romo returns. Lovers re-united!

Mark: Conan's gotten some good mileage the last two nights out of the fact that Jessica Simpson's latest movie is a box office hit in Russia, and (true quote from the studio) "won't be released anywhere English is the first language."

Kyle: I saw that on--cringe--Chelsea Lately (aka, the worst late-night show ever...and I'm including Magic and Chevy Chase in the mix). That's...peculiar. I'm confused...did she film it in Russia? Wouldn't her being in Russia be reported on TMZ? I think it was filmed in the U.S...just not in English.

Mark: I'd presume the whole thing is dubbed. Otherwise, they could just release it as "Jessica Simpson Tries To Learn Russian," which is comedy gold in its own right.

Kyle: The whole thing is confounding...especially the fact that (as I've just discovered) the budget for the film was $30 million. And Steve Guttenberg is in it. And it's directed by the guy that did "My Father the Hero." Oh, my!

Mark: Poor Guttenberg. The Stonecutters gave up on him a long time ago.

Kyle: Speaking of things that are awful: the Fantasy Bed-Shitters of 2008 (this is just from the Yahoo! preseason Top 50): Brady (for obvious reasons), Addai, Larry Johnson, Ryan Grant, Maroney, McGahee, Willie Parker, Colston, McFadden, Ocho Cinco, Carson Palmer, and Torry Holt.

Mark: The truly sad thing is, of that group, very few even have a chance for a rebound

Kyle: True. Though I don't see why Grant is playing so poorly. He's healthy, isn't he?

Mark: He's been a little banged-up with a hammy injury, but honestly, I think it's largely because he's not that great. GB's running game is a big concern for me

Kyle: Well now I'm worried. Should we do playoff picks?

Mark: First, let's recap our preseason picks for comedy.

Kyle: lol...technically, I didn't make any for that very reason (derision), but I thought a Dallas-NE Super Bowl was likely.

Mark: It's still not out of the realm of possibility. Certainly yours is more likely than my Super Bowl prediction of......New England over Seattle.

Kyle: Ouch, really? The 2005 Seahawks?

Mark: I went 1. Pats, 2. San Diego, 3. Indy, 4. Pittsburgh with Jax and (the winless) Bengals as wild cards. That's right, the Bengals.

NFC was 1. Dallas, 2. Seattle, 3. GB, 4. Saints, with NYG and Philly as the wild cards

Kyle: Hmmm...well, you're probably right about three teams from the NFC East making the playoffs.

Mark: Yay to small consolation!

Kyle: They're not outrageous picks. Still not sure what's wrong with Jacksonville.

Mark: Now there's a team that probably needs a coaching change to get them over the hump akin to Gruden replacing Dungy in T-bay.

Kyle: Could be. How about Cowher, in a Favre-esque heel turn, taking the job next year?

Mark: Ooh, that would make a lot of sense. Cowher is going to break the bank....between Jax, Cincy, Detroit, Cleveland, KC, Minnesota, (maybe San Diego, Dallas or even Indy), he has lots of options

Kyle: Not enough money in the world for BC to take the Lions job...they'd probably have to give him his own country or something...

Mark: But he'd probably get a free Ford out of the deal! Fully loaded!

Kyle: sweeeeeet

Mark: William Clay Ford trying to entice Cowher would look a lot like Lorne Michaels offering the Beatles $3000 to reunite on SNL.

Kyle: "You wanna give Ringo less? That's fine..."

Mark: Two best aspects of that skit...

1. When George Harrison was musical guest a few months later and tried to claim a share of the money.

2. Lennon and McCartney were actually hanging out that night watching the show and wanted to come down to the studio to make a last-minute cameo. The writers were hastily coming up with a way to get them out of actually playing (I think the idea was 'oh, you brought your own gear? You can only use union-approved guitars'), but the two Beatles didn't make it downtown in time.

Kyle: Wow...never heard of either of those things. Cool. I really need to get one of those behind the scenes SNL books (maybe the oral history?).

Mark: That book is amazing, the one by Tom Shales and James Andrew Miller.

Kyle:'s going on my Christmas list.

Mark: I read it once every year, like clockwork. So what are your playoff picks right now?

Kyle: AFC division winners: Buffalo, Pittsburgh, Tennessee, San Diego. Wild Card: Indy, NE

NFC division winners: Giants, GB, Carolina, Arizona (yikes). WC: Washington, Dallas.

Mark: Wow, I agree entirely. Bears and/or Tampa might sneak into the NFC given how the East will keep beating up on each other

Kyle: True. I haven't given up on Denver either...I just think SD passes them.

Mark: Pop quiz, worst division: NFC West or AFC West?

Kyle: Tough one. NFC, I say, since the AFC West has two competent teams. You?

Mark: Hard to say. Chargers are the best team in either division, but then again, the Chiefs and maybe Oakland are the worst two teams of the eight

Kyle: Sounds about right.

Mark: That's all of our prescribed talking points. Got anything else to add in?

Kyle: I don't think so....except that I think that MNF this week may be a SB preview.

Mark: Oh, that's another thing, this MNF is of vital importance. Apparently the Redskins' result the week prior to the election has predicted every outcome since the 1940's. If the Skins win, the incumbent party wins. If the Skins lose, the challenging party wins. In summation, go Steelers.

Kyle: Jesus...forgot about that...they referenced it on Mad Men last season. Go Steelers indeed. Yes we can! [Note: as he so often does, John Kerry ruined this theory in 2004, losing when the Skins loss dictated he would win. Still, it's 17 for 18 dating back to 1936, an impressive 94.4%, which is 14 points better than even the trusted Dow Jones theory (Dow up in election year? GOP win. Dow down? Dems win.)]

Mark: And let's not forget the other possible SB preview, Tennessee vs. Green Bay. Packers are winning, not a doubt in my mind. If that game isn't on basic cable, I will flip my lid.

Kyle: Never underestimate the stupidity of network execs....but it really should be on.

Mark: I worry since the Buffalo game is on at 1, so that'll be the CBS game and probably CityTV as well. FOX's highlight game is Dallas/New York at 4, so presumably the Fox affiliate won't have it at 1 PM....I'm worried.

Kyle: In that case, you can call me for updates...or just to scream. One last thing: Obama, over or under 350 electoral votes?

Mark: Under, but it'll still be a rout. Prediction of Bruce's four songs during the SB halftime?

Kyle: I'll take the over. Does the Boss have a new album coming out?

Mark: Not that I know of.

Kyle: Hmmm...Born to Run, Glory Days, Hungry Heart (as a metaphor...not because it's a great song), and...screw it, I say he leaves Born in the USA in the bag and busts out Dancing in the Dark.

Mark: Good call on Glory Days, that's a really good choice. Also, agreed on Born in the USA, though the novelty of that being misconstrued as a patriotic anthem never fails to amuse me. I'll vote for Born to Run, Dancing in the Dark, Rising and, dark horse, No Surrender. Though if they came out and just did a 10-minute Rosalita, that would be incredible

Kyle: Yeah, I almost said the Rising. No Surrender, eh? Hmmm. You know what would be great, if he pulled Blinded by the Light out of nowhere. His version is wildly underrated.

Mark: People would be like, "Why is Bruce doing a cover of Blinding By The Light?"

Kyle: Sadly, this is true. I think BtR and GD are both locks.

Mark: Rising is Bruce's Beautiful Day, it'll be there. Yes or no: Pearl Jam will one day be the halftime act

Kyle: Yes....but it might be a reunion tour thing.

Mark: I'm kind of doubtful. They're more baseball and basketball fans, for one. But really, now with Bruce doing it, PJ are the only one left of my favourite bands who could conceivably do the halftime show. (I'm not holding out for the White Stripes or Talking Heads)

Kyle: I think they should let Prince do it every other year. He was great.

Mark: Truth. What more could you ask from a halftime show than a giant guitar phallus?

Kyle: I'm certainly stumped.

Mark: Giant ass-shaped bass guitar in a tribute to Mike Singletary?

Kyle: lol--nailed it. Alright, I need to start packing up for the always: a pleasure.

Mark: The pleasure is all mine.


malcolm said...

Shuk, how is Haynesworth not even mentioned in the MVP discussions?

Taylor said...

One word: Ronnie Brown.

But seriously, I can't believe no one mentioned Miami's pummelling of New England, who was undefeated in the regular season for all of 2007 and up to that game in 2008.

I know that no one takes me seriously when I say this, but Miami is going to make the playoffs. And they're fun to watch because of their exciting offense. Say what you want about Pennington, but he's the most accurate NFL QB ever. Look it up.

With the Pats, Jets, Bills now all at 5-3, with Miami at 4-4, this is looking more and more possible. And with Seattle, then Oakland up next for the Dolphins, they could be 6-4 in two weeks.

Don't quit your day job, Kyle. You're going to owe me that quarter.

Hal Incandenza said...

Don't quit your day job? What are you, a newspaper reporter from the thirties? (I'm assuming it's a reference to the quarter, in which case you can ignore the above comment).

It's well established that you're totally gay for the Dolphins, and, while I like Ronnie Brown and generally think they're a decent team, I still think you're overrating them considerably.

Your boyfriend Pennington is, yes, the all-time completion % leader, but he's got a pedestrian 7:4 TD to INT ratio (that's actually 7 and 4), which is slightly below his career 9:5 ratio. In short: he's competent but not going to set the world on fire. And I'm still not sold on their receiving corps. And I think teams have figured out the Wildcat formation.

All of that said, their schedule is quite soft, with only their three remaining divisional games posing any sort of threat (though I could see them dumping one to SEA, St. Louis, or SF). So, yeah, it's possible they make the playoffs, but they probably have to go 6-2 (with an outside--very outside--shot at sneaking in with 5-3), pass at least two divisional rivals, and hope that at least two of the these teams--Indy, Baltimore, and whoever out of Denver and San Diego doesn't win the positively ugly AFC West--fades down the stretch. has them at 4 to 1 to win the division and 18 to 1 to win the AFC Championship (couldn't find odds to make the playoffs), which...sounds about right.