"Capitalism is ending, either because of the Soviets or of something ridiculous, like a woman president..."

(I'm obviously at a loss for a post picture, so this one--despite being a total non-sequitur in relation to what follows it--will have to do.)

2008 Greatest Hits (or something...)

Well...I appear to think I'm pretty awesome, in that I've included forty-eight posts below...and only posted sixty-two times the entire year (in my defense, three of the posts included here are year in reviews, and weren't put up until '09). Perhaps "Recapping 2008" is a more appropriate title. Anyway, off we go:

-January 11th: Kid Nation Running Diary: re-read part of this today and, I have to say, how the hell did they not renew this show? It's priceless. (Shame it didn't air on the increasingly desperate NBC, where they would, no doubt, have made it their flagship program).

-January 30th: The Wire: Season Four review: of note is me teasing a Wire vs. Sopranos head-to-head comparison that, thirteen months later, I still haven't started. (Don't go holding your breath for that one, all five of my readers--although, interestingly, I don't think any of my friends have watched both these programs in their entirety...Robbie, have you watched The Sopranos? If so, you might be the only one that qualifies...future team-up?)

-February 5th: Super-Duper Tuesday Liveblog: I thought it turned out fine, but it was a massive fucking pain to update every few minutes (in real time), so, yeah, I won't be doing that again anytime soon...

-February 11th: The Moment of Truth running diary: kicking myself for not having the foresight to do this for last night's Bachelor season finale, which was both spectacular and disgraceful (you suck, Jason). Next time.

-February 20th: Best TV Shows of the 1990s: ah, nostalgia.

-March 13th: Best Albums of the 1990s: I remember this one taking wayyyy longer than I anticipated (the TV one, too). As a result, this "best of each decade" project has a target completion date of 2045.

-March 20th through April 8th: NCAA Tournament posts: Teams 65 - 33, Teams 32 - 1, Recap: The First Four Days, Round 3 and 4 Preview, Recap: Rounds 3 and 4, Championship Game Thoughts: truthfully, on the whole, these posts were remarkably poorly received (two comments for the six posts combined), which suggests the whole thing was pretty self-indulgent. And you know what? I'm totally going to do it again this year. Also: notable for me including the following in my tournament preview about eventual national champion Kansas: I know, I know, you this team, John Q. Office Pool. You loved them last year (lost in the Elite Eight), and in 2006 (First Round), and in 2005 (First Round), but not as much as this year. No way. Go for it. I dare you. I dare you. I dare you. Ouch.

-May 15th: On Revamping College Football: amazingly, this is the only time I've written about college football. I like this piece because I absolutely crush the BCS. Nine months, a full season, and another lackluster national championship between two one-loss teams (ratings were down 9% this year) later, it still holds up.

-May 28th: The Best Lost Episodes of All-Time: also, if you watch Lost, Mark and I rank the best episodes:

-June 3rd: Running Diary of the Scripps-Howard National Spelling Bee:

Future Potential Employer in 2018: Kyle, why do all your running diaries involve small children?

Me: [horrified] I. Don't. Know.

-June 11th and June 14th: The Top 25 Video Games of the 1990s: Part one (#25-#13) and part two (#12-#1). Lots of comments between these two posts--18 in all--as nothing seems to get people more nostalgic than 8- and 16-bit gaming systems. Probably my two favorite post pics.

-June 17th: Shuk and I Rank Tiger's Major Victories: ...happily, this post isn't obsolete, insofar as Tiger hasn't played in a major since we wrote it. Yay!

-June 19th and June 22nd: Revisions to the AFI 10 Top 10's: part one and part two. In retrospect, maybe a bit hard to follow.

-June 27th: Euro 2008 Recap: because, really, when else will I talk about soccer on the blog? Notable for two of the three comments (one here, one on Facebook) strongly insinuating (not unjustifiably) that I'm a total idiot when it comes to the sport itself.

-July 6th: Wimbledon Recap: suck it, Simmons. (And, for good measure, my U.S. Open recap from September.)

-July 25: On Mad Men: Admittedly, this one doesn't quite work, but I feel it does a pretty good job of expressing why I like the show (and why its success is so improbable).

-August 22nd: Ranking the Olympic Events: Because, a mere six days after returning from our honeymoon, I clearly had too much time on my hands.

-August 27th: Little League World Series running diary: You see?? You know, sometimes you get a real gem of a game (2007's extra-inning thriller), and sometimes you just get a fucking dud (this year's 12-3 fiasco). I enjoyed this entry (even though I'm vamping for all but the first thirty minutes), but prefer the '07 edition.

-August 28th: Shuk and I discuss the Summer Olympics: Tragically, I selected Usain Bolt first overall in our "Which Summer Olympic Star Will Be Implicated in a Pot-Smoking Scandal in the Next Six Months" Fantasy Draft.

-September 23rd: Shuk and I discuss the Emmys: Spark Notes version: we weren't fans of it.

-September 23rd*: Best Books of the 1990s: ...which doubles nicely as a tribute to the late David Foster Wallace. Can't believe that was six months ago already.

* = Wait, what the hell? I posted twice in one day? Impressive!

-October 9th through November 27th: Ranking the U.S. Presidents (in ten parts): part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part six, part seven , part eight, part nine, part ten.

-October 28th: Annotated Superman paper from grad school: I'm tinkering with the idea of busting out some old history papers, too, and doing this again, but I'm not sure if I really want you guys to know precisely how little work I did for those three years.

-November 1st: Shuk and Kyle Discuss the NFL at Midseason: Notable for me saying that Peyton Manning was out of the MVP running (he, of course, later won it), that the Bills and Packers would make the playoffs, that the Redskins would play in the Super Bowl (oops! But I was right about the Steelers making it), and Shuk and I piling on Joe Flacco, who proceeded to reel off a QB rating of 90 or higher in six of the next nine games (whatever, he stunk--50.8 rating in three games--in the playoffs). Good times!

-December 6th through December 23rd: The Best Albums of Our Lives: Shuk and I (Misha jumps in for the last part) pick the best album of every year of our lives (with playlists!): 1979-1989, 1990-1999, 2000-2004, 2005-2008.

-January 16th (2009): Top 30 TV Shows of 2008: technically '09, but thematically tied to '08.

-February 4th (2009): Top 25 Albums of 2008: same.

-February 21st (2009): Top 30 Movies of 2008 (and Oscar Preview): same.

Alright, then, thanks for indulging.

"This is exactly the sort of daringly obvious manipulation the Academy loves to reward!"

Oscar Preview and (abbreviated) Best Movies of 2008 post

Going to try something a little different here, since I have visions of my brother dry heaving at the mere thought of me doing an extensive category by category breakdown (aka "Kyle picks 'em all....even the loser categories") of the Oscars (I liked it, but whatever). At any rate, Shuk is better at it than me, so see here for his picks. Instead, I'm going to provide you with: (1) my Top 30 Movies of the Year list (sans comments); and (2) my scanned (unofficial!) Oscar ballot, complete with annotations (h/t to Sarah for the idea). I think if you click on the individual pages, it should pop up in full screen mode, but, if you're using Firefox at least, I'd recommend using Crtl + or Crtl - to adjust.

Ten Most Disappointing (from least to most disappointing):

T10. Leatherheads
T10. 21
9. Semi-Pro (#9 not because it didn't suck--it so did--but because my expectations were so low)
8. Pineapple Express
7. Frozen River
6. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
5. Redbelt
4. Jumper
3. Wanted
2. X-Files: I Want to Believe
1. (by a wide margin) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Haven't seen: Hellboy II, Changeling, The Class, Gran Torino, W., Happy-Go-Lucky, Quantum of Solace, 4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, or Synecdoche, New York.

My Top 30

T30. Funny Games
T30. Young People Fucking
29. Burn After Reading
28. The Reader
27. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
26. Ghost Town
25. Get Smart
24. Role Models
23. The Strangers
22. Frost/Nixon
21. RocknRolla
20. Milk
19. Tropic Thunder
18. Revolutionary Road
17. Man on Wire
16. Rachel Getting Married
15. The Bank Job
14. Slumdog Millionaire
13. Cloverfield
12. The Incredible Hulk
11. Waltz With Bashir
10. Doubt
9. In Bruges
8. The Visitor
7. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
6. Let the Right One In
5. The Wrestler
4. Step-Brothers
3. Wall*E
2. The Dark Knight
1. Iron Man

My Oscar ballot:

highlighted in pink = should win; circled = will win

"It's about vampires, ostensibly, you know. But underneath, it's actually about the reunification of Germany..."

Top 25 Albums of 2008

<note: playlist coming soon>

Keeping with my vendetta against the ultra-pretentious Pitchfork (admittedly, about 85% of this is me resenting having to look up words in a music review)--no doubt begging the question: why not just stop reading it? Shut up, that's why...--I'm going to run some of the more egregious Pitchfork reviews in '08 alongside my own picks. Enjoy (or, as it were, don't enjoy)!

25. Viva La Vida | Coldplay: The best song on the album ("Life in Technicolor") isn't even a song so much as an interstitial, bound to be used as a musical cue for European sporting events for the next 30 years. Make no mistake, I don't hate this album by any means, it's just, I dunno...

There's this excellent exchange in "The Two Bartlets" between President Bartlet and Toby Ziegler that goes like this (h/t to "West Wing Transcripts," an invaluable resource):

BARTLET: What do you think?
TOBY: I was a telemarketer for about a week. I can't remember what we were selling, but you worked off a script. 'Hi. Good evening. My name is...' And 'Toby Ziegler' was okay for New York, but once I got into the other time zones, I needed a name. I wasn't gonna bother anybody.
BARTLET: Toby, if you have something to say, please say it.
TOBY: Ritchie's good for all time zones.
BARTLET: My family signed the Declaration of Independence. You think I've got an ethnicity problem?
TOBY: Well, the line isn't between light skin and dark skin.
BARTLET: Yeah?
TOBY: It's between educated and masculine... or eastern academic elite and plain-spoken.
BARTLET: It's always been like that.
TOBY: Yeah, but a funny thing happened when the White House got demystified. The impression was left that anybody could do it.
BARTLET: You're not telling me anything I don't know.
TOBY: It's one thing that Ritchie came out for the Pennsylvania Referendum today, but the manner in which he articulated it. His presence, the clear sign he wasn't personally engaged with the facts.
BARTLET: Toby...
TOBY: His staff was cringing, I promise you, and we let it go.
BARTLET: It wasn't the moment to go.
TOBY: You were asked the question.
BARTLET: [pause] Do you have anything else?
TOBY: [sighs] Sir, I don't think I need to tell you that the level of respect with which the staff speaks of you doesn't change, depending on whether or not you're in the room.
BARTLET: But?
TOBY: Well, there's always been a concern...about the two Bartlets. [beat] The absent-minded professor with the 'Aw, Dad' sense of humor. Disarming and unthreatening. Good for all time zones. And the Nobel Laureate. Still searching for salvation. Lonely, frustrated. Lethal.

And, to me, that pretty much sums up Coldplay at this stage. They're good in all time zones, but totally toothless. And there isn't a thing about that that doesn't make me sad.

24. Walk it Off | Tapes n' Tapes:

PITCHFORK SCORE: 5.9: By nearly all accounts, though, this album could be much worse. Many of the band's best features remain intact, especially their total lack of pretentiousness and austerity. You won't find any symphony-backed lumps of schmaltz or ill-advised stabs at dire social issues, and hey, they even named a very serviceable track here "The Dirty Dirty". However, Walk It Off attempts The Loon's indie patchwork using fewer and larger pieces, causing less-than-stellar ideas and riffs to suddenly become load-bearing pillars for painfully linear three-minute pop songs. As opposed to their ramshackle debut, TnT don't unknowingly stumble upon infectious choruses or head-turning transitions anymore, they contort flimsy songs to contain those elements.

Comment: well, fuck you very much, Pitchfork. I like this album.

True, it's no Loon (which is an absolute gem), but it might be the catchiest album of the year released by someone not named Kanye West. Of particular note is "Hang Them All."

23. Dear, Science | TV on the Radio: like Rob, I'm not ready to anoint this as the second coming of The White Album, but I do think this is a pretty solid outing for TV on the Radio (though, at the risk of sounding too much like my dad, I do find that some of these tracks are just too noisy--melody, please!)

22. Santogold | Santogold: Carrie turned me on to this album, and it's very, very good. Next to "Sex on Fire" and "Electric Feel," "L.E.S. Artistes" might be my favorite track of '08.

21. Vivian Girls | Vivian Girls: I must admit, I'm remiss to include a ten-track album that is twenty-two minutes long (seriously), but damned if they don't remind me of a younger version of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs...and not for the superficial reason that both are girl groups...and are from Brooklyn...ok, fine, it's partly that. Also: + 1,000 cool points for the band name.

20. Third | Portishead: I'll admit that I've never really "gotten" Portishead, but I did enjoy this album, particularly, "Machine Gun" (track #8) which, deliberately or unintentionally (I'm guessing the former) channels Vangelis's work on the Blade Runner soundtrack. Very cool.

19. Forth | The Verve: question: does this album really hold together beyond the awesome "Love is Noise" (track #2)? Answer: Insofar as I had to re-listen to this album to determine precisely what tracks 3 through 10 sounded like...no, not really. The risk of this album being confused with, say, Urban Hymns (or even A Northern Soul) is pretty damn remote, but, hey, it's not a bad disc, and I'm awarding them points for re-uniting at all, which is something that seemed impossible as recently as four years ago.

18. Narrow Stairs | Death Cab for Cutie:

PITCHFORK SCORE: 6.0: On Narrow Stairs, Death Cab move from the undergraduate longing of their earlier work and the looming mortality of Plans to a more generalized existential angst. But they're most successful when they don't switch up their style to match; the sound of settling, as Transatlanticism maintained, is a peppy "ba ba," not the krautrock pulse of this album's synth-touched remainder metaphor, "Long Division". Elsewhere, the tabla on "Pity and Fear" sounds out of place, not far-out; as Indian-instrumented songs about an apparent adulterous one-night stand go, this one's no "Norwegian Wood".

Comment: I literally don't understand what they're trying to say here (other than that DCFC isn't as good as the Beatles). Have they changed too much? Too little? Too obviously? Were they wrong to change at all? This isn't supposed to be a riddle, people!

Of course, that same review features PF at its very best:

Speaking of singles, Narrow Stairs' first is the eight-and-a-half minute "I Will Possess Your Heart", a decision that's likely to be more successful as brand repositioning than it is as rock music. Death Cab get uncompromising-artist points for the four-minute intro that builds up with vamping bass, sprinkles of keyboard, and atmospheric guitar, but it's hardly essential to the standard-length pop song that follows, about how a well-intentioned man can turn into a de facto creepy stalker. "You gotta spend some time, love," Gibbard sings, as if by explanation for the song's length.

Yes! Anyway, I don't have much to add, except to say that this is a good (not great) addition to the DCFC canon. If they could somehow manage to make their next album sound exactly like Plans, it'd be greatly appreciated on this end.

17. Live at Massey Hall | Matthew Good: a nice return to form for Matt Good, this two-disc set (which also includes some cool acoustic stuff near the end) allows me to officially discount 2007's Hospital Music as an unfortunate misfire (and not a sign that he's on his way down, down, down). Looking forward to 2009's Vancouver.

16. The Slip | Nine Inch Nails: still haven't had a chance to unpack this like I should, but what I've heard, I like considerably. (And that's the best you're going to get from me on this album--sorry.)

15. Parc Avenue | Plants and Animals: a very interesting album, in that it starts out as a Frames album (as noted by Carrie) and then veers off into some sort of free-flowing jazz odyssey near the end.

14. 808s and Heartbreak | Kanye West: it's perhaps fitting that the first Kanye album that I can legitimately say I like (as opposed to all the other times, when it was purely to boost my street cred) is the first one to get mixed reviews. I'm ok with that. I really am.

13. Cardinology | Ryan Adams and the Cardinals: I'm pleased to report that this album is more in line with Easy Tiger and Cold Roses (aka good albums) and not 29 and Jacksonville City Nights (ehm...bad). He's never going to be a chart-topper, but every album (even his lousy ones) is good for at least two beautifully written songs. Here, it starts very strong, with the first four tracks-- "Born Into the Light," "Go Easy," "Fix It," and "Magick"--providing as good a run as he's put together in five or six years, peters out for a bit, then builds back up to a strong finish ("Like Yesterday" followed by "Stop," a very solid closing track).

12. In Ghost Colours | Cut Copy: now, it's pretty rare for an electropop/dance-punk outfit to release an album that's strong from start to finish (usually there's a track or two that is almost unlistenable). For a long time, I thought the only exception was LCD Soundsystem (who, much to my dismay, didn't release an album in '08), but now I think I'll have to add Melbourne's Cut Copy to list, as each of the fifteen tracks here are almost perfectly crafted. Even if this sound isn't really your thing, I think you should check them out.

11. Saturdays=Youth | M83: a gorgeous record from a group that wasn't even on my radar until they released a cover of Bloc Party's "Pioneers" back in 2005. I bet you thought we didn't even need a Tangerine Dream for the 21st century. Well, I'm pleased to report that we do...and they're kind of awesome.

10. Intimacy | Bloc Party: Interestingly, as recently as four months ago, this was in danger of becoming the first Bloc Party album that I not only wasn't wild about but actually actively hated (to the point where I openly groaned when they busted out two new tracks at V-Fest), but I turned a corner in November. Do I wish Intimacy sounded more like Silent Alarm? Oh, absolutely...but I'm beginning to appreciate their foray into dance-punk. Which isn't, of course, to say that I'm altogether thrilled with this record (I think that "Mercury" is an especially poor--and, ultimately, completely empty--first single.) But Intimacy's saving grace is that for every forgettable or misguided track there's one that knocks you flat on your ass. (in this case: "Signs," which is dazzling).

You didn't ask, but, yes, I am somewhat concerned that my favorite band is, with each subsequent album, straying further and further away from the material that made me fall in love with them (given that their three albums have gone #1, #4, and now #10 on my year end lists, I do feel a bit like Murray defending the Crazy Dogggz in the season two premiere: "they're making hit after hit! "Doggy Bounce"...#1 "Doggy Dance"...#5, "In The Pound"...#37. It's not going to stop. It's never going to stop! They're a hit making machine!!"), but as long as they provide me with a couple of "Signs" moments, they'll remain in my good books.

9. Chinese Democracy | Guns N' Roses: my thoughts on the album can be found here (scroll down to Misha's 2008 entry). I'll admit, I wasn't bowled over initially--as near as I can recall, it went something like this:

Listen #1: didn't register.
Listen #2: hated it.

**This was followed by a 45 minute conversation with Misha (during which I spoke for approximately seventeen seconds) wherein he described the album in minute detail and explained how it was unequivocally amazing.**

Listen #3: hated it.
Listen #4: starting to come around.

**This was followed by me attempting to sing "Shackler's Revenge" for the first time in Rock Band 2.**

Listen #5: really digging it.

...and so forth. I'm probably on listen #15 now and, while it's not exactly "The Waste Land" set to music (note to readers: this sentence only makes sense if you realize that I really, really like T.S. Eliot), it's pretty flippin' good.

8. Oracular Spectacular | MGMT: great record, horrible title (as opposed to Coldplay's latest, which, you know...). For whatever reason, despite listening to this album at least once a week between its release in January and September, I ignored it for the better part of three months as the year wound down, and then, when I came back to it, it wasn't nearly as good as I remembered. This happens once a year (last year it was Modest Mouse's We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank and, three years ago, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah's self-titled album) and, despite my best efforts, isn't really explainable. Ah, well. Here, the problem seems to be that the non-showcase songs (basically, anything other than "Time to Pretend," "Kids," and--my personal pick for song of the year--"Electric Feel") are considerably weaker than I previously thought. No matter, as there's nothing here that's skippable, I'm slotting it at #8 (and if that seems to be setting the best album of the year standard a little low, so be it...).

7. Dead Calm Horizon | Ketch Harbour Wolves: shout out to Rob for introducing me to these guys. Fabulous album, which I'd knock for being tantalizingly short (seven tracks) were it not made available for free on their website.

6. Flight of the Conchords | Flight of the Conchords:

PITCHFORK SCORE: 7.2: But the concept gets muddled, especially on their first full-length studio record. Where do they draw the lines between the real-life band, the band we see struggling on the show, and the band that the struggling band wishes it could be? They bill themselves as New Zealand's fourth-best novelty act-- so should we laugh at the songs, or with them? And their love of AM radio love songs shines true-- they thank Barry White in the album liner notes, probably not ironically-- but are we supposed to congratulate them for trying to do the same thing?

Comment: this doesn't strike me as an even remotely valid criticism. You find the dissonance between unsuccessful fictional Jemaine and Bret and successful real Jemaine and Bret confusing? Really?? Allow me to clarify: it's a fucking TV show!!

This almost shouldn't be here, since it's as least as much of a comedy album as it is a proper album, meaning that it doesn't exactly lend itself to multiple listens (and is next to useless as musical accompaniment to reading, not because it's not great--it is--but because you spend the whole time listening (and laughing along with) the lyrics). But even if I treat it like a real album, there's a lot to love here: "The Most Beautiful Girl (in the Room)" (responsible for one of the five best moments at our wedding), "Foux Du Fafa," "Robots," "Business Time," "Inner City Pressure," "Hip-Hopopotamus vs. The Rhymenoceros," "Bowie" (which, I must admit, despite it's popularity, I'm fairly lukewarm towards), and "Think About It" (which contains my favorite FotC lyric...which doesn't translate all that well in print so click here...it's the part about the sneakers, particularly Jemaine's brilliant aside). As an added bonus, if you get the album through iTunes, they throw in "Brett You Got it Goin' On" (my personal favorite). Goddamn...that's great stuff. (Yes, I just cued it up.)

5. Feed the Animals | Girl Talk: apparently, GT has been around forever (by which, of course, I mean: since 2002), but I only stumbled across him late in '08 (and only then because he was featured on NPR's All Songs Considered). At the risk of the being hyperbolic, if you can't groove to this disc (even a little) than you have no soul.

4. Stay Positive | The Hold Steady: if I were being shitty, I could probably fault this disc for being a bit too similar to (the superior) Boys and Girls in America, but, no, that's crap. This may put me in the minority, but I'd rather a band release multiple quality albums (I said quality albums, Brandon Flowers) in a similar vein than attempt to re-invent themselves every time out. Agreed, they haven't exactly re-invented the wheel here, but I don't care. My God, are they ever good storytellers.

3. Fleet Foxes | Fleet Foxes: when I'm feeling uncharitable, I'm inclined to think that this is, secretly, an only ok album wrapped around a drop-dead gorgeous track ("White Winter Hymnal"), but every time I think that, I cue up the disc and find something else to admire (Meadowlark, Blue Ridge Mountains, even the-pretty-damn-weird Red Squirrel).

2. For Emma, Forever Ago | Bon Iver: the CD I can't seem to stop listening to. As Rob deftly noted: how shitty does it feel to be Iver's ex-girlfriend (for argument's sake, let's call her Emma) right now? Not only does he use your break-up as fodder for a gorgeous collection of songs (which, I think it's safe to say, would make any number of women weak at the knees), but this same collection of songs (again: largely about you) has vaulted him onto countless top ten lists, made him at least moderately wealthy, and turned him into an indie darling. Ouch.

1. Only by the Night | Kings of Leon: not at all surprising, is my guess, since this was my pick for the Best Album of 2008 in our twenty-seven four part series on the best albums of our lives (2004-2008 entry found here). I'll close with an excerpt from what I'm fairly certain is the worst Pitchfork review of this (or any other) year:

#1 PITCHFORK SCORE: 3.8: After years spent building a career on the enduringly romanticized Stillwater archetype, Kings of Leon have laterally shifted from one easily understood linear narrative (festival band) to another (arena rock band). Dropping the transparently hayseed act, the band could have turned an artistic corner; yet the first single from Only By the Night is called "Sex on Fire", so if there was any debate about whether Kings of Leon are in on their own joke, I think it can be put to rest. If we're misreading them, we're missing out on one corker of a comedy album based on an "SNL"-level premise: What if Bono got lost in the Blue Ridge Mountains and was replaced by a local yokel? (Suggested band name: Y'All2.)

Comment: wait...what? That's so stupid.

I won't lie, their hate for this album (3.8!) is baffling, so I'm not even going to try to parse the statement. Look, do you like things that are awesome? Yes? OK...then you'll enjoy this album.

"Court? At Night? I'm Laughing Already!"

Best of Television: 2008 Edition

Back in July, when reviewing the best of '07, I wrote:

Having just completed S1 of both Mad Men and Breaking Bad (note: actually a 2008 show. Rats.), I think it's time to quickly (and retroactively) rank my Top 16 Shows of 2007 (that is to say: the 2007 season--which may, confusingly, have begun in September 2006--for shows. In other words, S1 30 Rock is eligible, early S2 eps that aired late in the year are not. So, unless my math is off, things like S5 of The Wire, S1 of Chuck, and S1 of Life won't be eligible until my Best of '08 List...hopefully appearing in December. You know what? Now I'm confused. Stupid strike....

I'll be honest, I don't even know what that means now (did I have a minor stroke partway through writing that sentence?). So, screw it. Instead...if it aired in '08, it's eligible. In some cases, I'm looking at two different seasons for some of these shows (season ending in May, starting up again in September).

Standard disclaimer: I don't count shows that air daily, otherwise my top four would look a lot like this: PTI, Jeopardy!, The Daily Show, and The Colbert Report. Note that all of my comments are limited to programs I actually watch (i.e. no Grey's Anatomy talk here--not even to say how fucking awful it is. Also: no FNL talk, which I really should be watching).

Some Opening Remarks

Try Harder: Scrubs (which, in fairness, it seems to be in '09) and Damages (note: it didn't technically air in '08. Still...try harder).

Just Fucking Give Up Already, OK?: Heroes, Entourage, and The Hills

Worth mentioning: The Celebrity Apprentice (meh...whatever, I still watch it); Reaper (I got a little tired of the formula, and consequently stopped watching after the first eleven eps, but I'm now told that it got really good after that, so I'll have to check it out again); Battlestar Galactica (I'll come back to it eventually--I swear.)

The Top 30

30. ER: the grand old dame, still getting it done...sort of. Looking forward to Carter's return.

29. The Bachelor/Bachelorette: god help me. I've cut myself loose from the shackles of The Hills, but I can't shake this show. The Bachelorette was delightful this year (due in no small part to Jasob being so obviously suited for DeAnna, yet DeAnna ended up going for the other guy for the sole reason that Jason had a kid...yet she could never say that--since it would make her look awful--so she came up with a series of convoluted reasons for it not being right. Shocker of shockers, she's no longer with the other guy, and is now openly pining for Jason) and The Bachelor (through two eps in 2009) has been compelling thus far (helped by this tidbit: DeAnna is coming back to the house to try to win Jason back--though you can never trust ABC promo monkeys, so who knows...). Sorry, that was a very questionable paragraph on my part. So...football is awesome, eh?

28. Corner Gas: I was late coming to this show...and I regret that, because it's legimately funny (and I don't mean it's passable but gets bumped up because it's Canadian; I mean it's actually amusing). Too bad this is the final year.

27. Dragon's Den: that's right, two Canadian shows...and back to back no less! I really this one...despite liking only one of the five Dragons (the new guy). Part human interest story, part math problem, part Apprentice (minus all the awful stuff, which nowadays is pretty much everything that doesn't directly involve Invanka Trump being awesome), and part "smack yourself on your head because you can't believe you didn't think of that super-obvious invention." It's as close as you're going to get to interactive TV (and, yeah, I'm excluding the scratch and sniff ep of My Name is Earl).

26. Kitchen Nightmares: The transition from "Gordon bitches out restaurant owners, reveals to them to their obvious weaknesses, and then completely re-designs their menu to much critical fanfare" to "Gordon bitches out restaurant owners, reveals weaknesses, then takes them out for some sort ridiculous character-building exercise--boxing classes to promote assertiveness, screaming into the canyons to let out pent-up rage--then re-designs their menus" has not, I'll admit, been all that welcome, but there are far worse ways to spend an hour.

25. Worst Week: ...though I have a sneaking suspicion that this show is O-V-U-H, as the first post-wedding episode was perfectly awful. Mind you, prior to that: funny.

24. American Dad: It may not be running on fumes (like the Simpsons) or be totally out of gas (Family Guy), but this current season suggests that the writers no longer have their fastball, including something that I'd previously thought impossible: an episode centering entirely on Roger (the show's best character) being completely and painfully unfunny (the one where his personality split in two). Still, it's good for two or three big laughs an episode (with the added bonus that it could come from any of the following: Stan, Francine, Roger, Klaus, Bullock, or Steve...sorry Hayley, you're just not that funny). And it probably deserves a spot for "Tearjerker" (the Bond spoof episode) alone.

23. Hard Knocks: Great show...I'm stunned/embarrassed how long it took me to start watching it. One unfortunate by-product, however, was me wildly overvaluing all Dallas Cowboys in my fantasy leagues. Case in point: in the Osgoode league, I picked the following guys--Jason Witten, Marion Barber, Felix Jones, and Patrick Crayton--in the first ten rounds, prompting some to ask me "what do you plan on doing when the Cowboys have a bye?" Shut up--that's what. Also, this series led me to believe that the Cowboys were going to win the Super Bowl. If that's not a tribute to the filmmaking, I'm not sure what is...

22. Pushing Daisies: Even if I wasn't always in the mood to watch the show (its tweeness could be exhausting at times), I was always satisfied when I did tune in. I'll be honest, I don't really miss it at the moment (too much new stuff coming back--a re-invigorated Scrubs and 24), but, come September, I'm sure I will. Allow me to be the 4,000th fan to say: movie?

21. House: not sure if I can say the same thing about House, which is becoming less appealing on a weekly basis. Hugh Laurie, Sean Leonard, and (to a slightly lesser extent) Lisa Edelsteing are all amazing in their roles, so I can't criticize them, but everything else? Oh, my, yes! My biggest pet peeve--well documented by Alan Sepinwall and, presumably, others--is that, without fail, the patients of the week now--miraculously--mirror (either vaguely or exactly) the personal issues of the doctors treating them. Examples: pregnant patient (Cuddy), patient dying young as a result of a rare illness (Thirteen), bisexual patient (Thirteen), philandering patient (Taub), patient who is agoraphobic and reminds Cameron of her husband who died (Cameron), patient who is a bully or something (Kutner), excruciatingly boring patient (Thirteen). Whoops, that last one is made up. And I've just discovered that the episode that's going to air on Monday features a patient whose symptoms--wait for it!--mirror House's exactly. Oh, good! Yes, it's still good on occasion ("House's Head" and the one where House and Wilson go to House's dad's funeral), but, 97 episodes in, the show is staggering towards syndication.

20. American Idol: hiss away (I assume you're all Harvard law students), but this show? Is still getting it done. Season seven--admittedly, only the second I've watched from start to finish (I used to bail after the audition eps)--was the strongest one I've seen (even though everyone watching it/running it were so certain the sky was falling that they decided to do a major revamp) and produced the first winner (David Cook) that could legitimately be huge. Yeah, Simon aside, the judging is horrendous, but isn't that part of the fun? Of course it is. Also, four words: American. Idol. Drinking. Game.

19. Fringe: what could easily have been a totally forgettable X-Files clone has developed into something much more impressive. I'm still not sold on Anna Torv in the lead role (I mean: she's ok, but she's certainly not capable of carrying the show all on her own, something the producers seem to be recognizing), but the supporting cast is excellent. Joshua Jackson--yes, Pacey--is great, and his father on the show (John Noble, who you'll probably remember as Denethor, aka "the King who went crazy in Return of the King") is amazing as a mad(dish) scientist, who, having regained his sanity (sort of), is starting to come to grips with his past misdeeds. Seriously, he's terrific.

18. Generation Kill: Possibly a bit of a cheat, since this was a one-off seven episode mini-series, but it deserves to be recognized (hmm...given my readership, "recognized" is perhaps a tad too strong--"mentioned," perhaps?). I was slow to warm up to this one (notably: I fell asleep for parts of each of the first four episodes--though one of those times I was on an airplane, so that may not count), but it built up to something very powerful. In particular, the montage that closes the series out (to the tune of Johnny Cash's "When the Man Comes Around") is a doozy. Check it out.

17. How I Met Your Mother: This show... boy, I dunno. I'm pretty torn here, since ever since I discovered this show in season two (as in: I personally discovered it, not: I unearthed it for all the world) it's been in a serious slide, yet several of the people I tirelessly sung its praises to (Shuk, my brother), who only began to tune in in season three, love it. In addition, the commenters on Sepinwall's site are so in the tank for the fourth season, I've started to wonder if I'm actually watching a completely different program than the one they are. Needless to say, I no longer comment on the eps.

My beef? I just don't think it's that funny anymore (often I don't think it's funny at all.) I don't like Robyn and Barney together. I didn't like Stella. I don't like how Lily is given nothing to do (except riff on the B-plots of other characters). I don't like that they've strayed from being a funny show about something resembling real life into full-blown sitcom territory (with convoluted plots that, in the real world, could be resolved in about six seconds...and can only be maintained if all the characters involved agree to act as ridiculously as possible.) And I don't like Ted.

Still, on occasion, it's not without its charm--I just wish those moments weren't so few and far between.

16. South Park: not quite feeling it with this new season...and I'm starting to wonder if "Imaginationland, Part One and Two" will end up being the last legitimate high notes for the series. We'll see.

15. This American Life: the season finale--from their website: "The story of one life, told through the lives of people from all over the country, all named John Smith"--is easily the most beautiful, profoundly sad, and life-affirming thing I watched on television all year. With all due respect to the 14 other shows I'm going to list after this one, it's was the single best 45 minutes of TV in 2008.

14. Life: Damien Lewis. Damien Lewis. Damien Lewis. He's just so great (as is the music). Truth be told, two out of every five episodes here are rote police procedurals, and two more out of five are probably only slightly above average, but it's that fifth episode--Russian mobsters or Charlie uncovering still more pieces of the conspiracy--that elevate this show to the upper echelon.

13. Top Chef: I still think the judges are dicks (inexplicably, Tom Colicchio seems to have gotten it in his head that the show is popular because of him, and insists on insinuating himself into plotlines), but the concept is terrific. Note: always watch while eating (it's the anti-House).

12. Chuck: the little show that could (or something less patronizing). By all accounts, it would've been cancelled had there not been a strike, so it was lucky to get a second season, but boy have they capitalized on it. While Chuck is best developed character on the show (and extremely well played by Zachary Levi), he is, at best, the fifth or sixth funniest character (behind, in no particular order: Captain Awesome, Big Mike, Morgan, Casey, Jeff, and Lester). This is good. Also, the suspension of disbelief quotient is off the charts here, so I really shouldn't care about what happens to these characters, but God help me, I do.

11. Gossip Girl: I moved this up three spots solely on the basis of a tree-mendous late '08 episode which focused on the aftermath of (SPOILER, highlight to reveal) Bart Bass's death--not only was it a great ep, but they included maybe the best back-to-back musical cues ("Signs" by Bloc Party, quickly followed by "Slow Show" by The National) I can ever remember. You know, it's easy to dismiss this show as pure puff (and, to a certain extent, I don't disagree--although, if you have 30 minutes to spare, I can go into minute detail about why this show is approximately 6,000 times superior to the new 90210), but the performances are so strong here (in particular: Chuck, Blair, and Rufus Humphrey) that I'm willing to forgive quite a bit (in particular: why should I care about the goings-on at an ultra-snobby NYC private school?).

The Top Ten

Note: I think this Top Ten is a strong as any in the past, say, twenty years (and, if you're looking at just the top five, maybe ever--I know that's a bold claim, but, seriously, find me a time when there's ever been five shows that are this, simultaneously, on top of their game.* I don't think you can.**). Promise me that, in 2013, when every hour of television programming (primetime or otherwise) will involve Jay Leno in some way, shape, or form, that we'll meet back here...and weep.

* = Here's the best I could do: 1985--> Hill Street Blues, Family Ties, Cheers, Dallas, and The Cosby Show (and L.A. Law will premiere in just under a year). You could also make a case for 2002, with five of the following: The West Wing, 24, Alias, Angel, Scrubs, The Shield, The Wire, and Six Feet Under. Still, I'll take 2008, thanks very much.

** = Note to Shuk: do not come back to me with a list that contains Golden Girls.

10. Breaking Bad (S1): unrelentingly dark. And if you're surprised that Bryan Cranston is this good of an actor, you really shouldn't be.

9. Dexter (S3): (Note: I almost dropped this out of the top ten upon discovering that Michael C. Hall married his in-show sister in real life, partly because it's kinda gross, but mostly because she's a terrible actress, but I didn't. I'm bigger than that. Barely.) Before the season started, I wondered aloud if Dexter wasn't running out of steam. Now that it's over, the verdict? Um...sort of. There's no doubt that they're spinning their wheels--SPOILER Was there any doubt after, say, four episodes, that Dex was inevitably going to have to kill Prado? Of course not; also: it's hard to convey any sort of meaningful sense of peril when you know the main character isn't going to be killed--but it's still a pretty entertaining ride. Just know that the Dexter of S1--dark, tortured, totally removed from society--is long gone, replaced instead with a largely sanitized version of the character, and that this is probably a bad thing.

8. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (S?): Goddamn, this show is hilarious.

7. In Treatment (S1): as soon as I heard about this show, I was excited. That said, it's much, much better than I anticipated. Excellent writing (in many ways, the first season is actually 43 one-act plays, which, admittedly, won't appeal to everyone) plus great performances (even from show-killer Melissa George) adds up to an incredibly satisfying show. A special shout-out to Glynn Turman, for his outstanding guest performance as Alex's dad.

6. The Office (S4/S5): They are absolutely killing it in season five...though they can't end this Andy/Dwight/Angela thing quickly enough. Wise of them to abandon the super-sized, 60 minute eps (which always petered out after 35 minutes) and smart of them to play to their strengths (Michael, Jim, Pam, Dwight). The fake sales call between Jim and Dwight in episode 5.6--and, not coincidentally, the closest the show has ever hewed to the original British series--is probably the funniest thing they've done in three years (you'll have to Hulu it).

5. Lost (S4): "The Constant" immediately puts this in the top ten, the remainder is what bumps it up five more spots. With a better season finale (which was by no means bad, but paled in comparison to S3's gut punch of an ending), it'd be #3. I'm already on the record about this, but I'll say it again: fixing an end date was the best thing they could've done for this show (something that #9 on this list would do well to consider).

4. 30 Rock (S2/S3): "I want to go to there."; "I'll just tell Don Geiss that I let a subordinate with an unaccredited theater-tech degree do a billion dollar handshake deal while my girlfriend and I showered together at a Red Roof Inn."; Jack: "The stutter got so bad I was taken out of my grade and put in the special class, held in the boiler room. My only other classmate was named Gilly. He'd fallen though the ice as a child and was technically dead for 57 minutes. They told us to sweep sawdust so we could find work at a mill. Of course I overcame the stutter in three languages. On to Princeton, Harvard, the top of the business world. I thought I blocked this out, but a thing like this brings back emotions." Liz: "I'm so sorry." Jack: "I feel like I'm back in that boiler room; making little piles of sawdust while Gilly plays with himself in the corner."; "I wandered around the building all night. I didn't run into another living soul... except one gigantic lesbian. Who is Conan O'Brien, and why is she so sad?"; "I was destined to create a video game were players get weird with each other for golden points. My genius will not be denied. I'm like Mozart, and you're like that guy who was always jealous of Mozart."; "I got business sick on my suit."; "I even stopped to catch a snowflake with my tongue, but apparently that's some signal in Chelsea."; "I'm like the Michael Clayton of Cleveland."; "Cooter Burger? What am I, a cartoon dog?"; "Shut it down!"; "If there's one thing I've learned, it's keep your friends close and your enemies so close it's like you're kissing."; "It's just "G" now, Jack. I sold the "E" to Samsung. They're Samesung, now."; "Nobody flies without medication anymore. Why shouldn't you enjoy the same luxuries as a dog?"; "There's going to be a detour. Don't follow it. It's a trap."; "We all have ways of coping. I use sex and awesomeness."; "And I definitely would have gone to my reunion, but the boat I was educated on sank."; "What kind of a mother tells her son that John Kennedy died because he talked in church?"

And even that doesn't really do the show justice. (That said: weakish through two eps in '09. Hopefully not a trend.)

3. Mad Men (S2): were it not for two late season episodes with Draper in California (which I thought were basically crap), this show would've opened with the strongest 26 episode run (S1 and 2) of any show ever. As it stands, it'll have to settle for one of the strongest openings ever. Jon Hamm: great actor or greatest actor? Those are your only choices.

2. The Wire (S5): true, S5 wasn't the best season (admit it, it wasn't), but it's still the fucking Wire. Top to bottom: it's the strongest show in television history. I miss it.

1. The Shield (S7): I'm putting this seventh season right up there with S2 of The West Wing, S1 of Veronica Mars, S4 of Angel, both seasons of Sports Night, S2 of Buffy, S5 of The Larry Sanders Show, seasons 7 through 9 of Seinfeld, S2 of Alias, S2 of 24, seasons 3 through 6 of The Simpsons, S1 and the second half of S3 of Lost, seasons 2 through 5 of Dallas, S1 of Dexter, season 1, 3, and 4 of The Wire, S2-3 and 6 of ER, S2 of HIMYM, both seasons of the British Office, S1 of Extras, S1 of Mad Men, seasons 3 and 4 of The X-Files, S5 of The Shield, S2 of the US Office, S1 and 2 of 30 Rock, and S2 and 5 of Friends as one of the best seasons of any show ever (and the series finale--"Family Meeting"--in the same breath as my two all-time favorites: The West Wing's "Tomorrow" and (my #1) Angel's "Not Fade Away")

I should probably write more, but the show is so densely plotted that I'd end up giving something away (even inadvertently). Just watch it.